


ruined my life

by mypage



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Hand Jobs, Light Angst, Liu Yang Yang/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery - Freeform, M/M, implied car sex, lee jeno/na jaemin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:07:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26322403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mypage/pseuds/mypage
Summary: It isn’t like DonghyuckdespisesRenjun.It’s justhistory,he supposes.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 39
Kudos: 322





	ruined my life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angstonly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstonly/gifts).



> The title of the song came from Taylor Swift's Gorgeous. 
> 
> I hope you have fun reading!

It isn’t like Donghyuck _despises_ Renjun.

It’s just _history,_ he supposes. 

There’s always bound to be some tension between two entities that shared a rocky history. And, well, for Donghyuck—he shares a history with Renjun that’s far too complicated for them to go back to being casual friends.

Sure, they still spend time together with friends, but it’s mostly because they share the same friend group but they haven’t been alone together since the _incident._ It’s not like they’re purposely avoiding each other. As Renjun so eloquently put it one time, they’re just doing what’s comfortable for them. And for them, comfortable is limiting contact with each other as much as possible.

But again, they have mutual friends—a lot of mutual friends. So, when Jaemin asks them to go to a party with the whole group, it’s hard to say no. What with the stress of their exams piling on top of them and with Jaemin’s persuasive personality, there’s no way they could have stayed home tonight.

That’s how Donghyuck finds himself sitting in the booth next to Renjun. Initially, there were four of them. Donghyuck, Renjun, Jaemin and Jeno. But Jeno needed to excuse himself to the bathroom because he felt as if he needed to puke, and Jaemin was quick to follow him in long strides. 

Donghyuck knows better, of course, he knows for a fact that Jaemin will be taking care of Jeno differently than he stated. Usually, Yangyang is here with them to dissipate the tension with perfect interjections but for now, he’s out of commission due to some project he has to work overtime on. 

There were five, there were four—and now there are two. 

“What are you looking at, Lee?” Renjun bites from across the table, his eyebrows knitted together in a frown in the middle of his forehead. The music is loud and the neon lights are hurting Donghyuck’s eyes, but he’s damned if he says that Renjun isn’t breathtakingly gorgeous under the fluorescent lights. 

His hair is pink—recently dyed by Jaemin after he has found the extra stash of pink hair dye in his room. It’s styled so that it’s slicked back and shows enough forehead. He even has his stupid fake glasses on and the all-black outfit to tie the look together is definitely worth staring at. At this point, Donghyuck is intoxicated enough to not be embarrassed by being called out.

The tension is ever present, not exactly leaving but not exactly palpable either. It’s just _there,_ looming around them like clouds during an autumn day. It’s something they’ve gotten used to, something that they can live with—but Donghyuck won’t lie and say he doesn’t enjoy the tension. 

He does like autumn, after all.

“You look hot.” He says coolly, raising the empty glass of his cocktail mix. He chews on the ice, grins at Renjun from across the table. 

The compliment obviously got to Renjun, what with his squirming in his seat and clearing his throat. He figures Renjun is intoxicated too. Usually, Renjun is quick to erase any sort of reactions from his expressions when Donghyuck riles him up, but tonight, it’s different.

Renjun swallows. “I am aware,” he says, his snide remark brimming with confidence, “why I’m sitting here talking with you instead of getting my dick sucked in a bathroom stall is beyond me, really.”

Heat coils in the pit of Donghyuck’s stomach, the image vividly painting itself in his brain thanks to Renjun’s callous words. Donghyuck chews on the ice harder, grits his teeth, and gulps down the cold liquid swirling around his tongue. 

He started it, and yet, why is he the one curling in on himself when Renjun starts to flirt back?

“All you have to do is ask, really.” 

Renjun’s eyes flick over to him, there’s a knowing glint, something that made Donghyuck’s stomach churn. 

Renjun laughs out of his nose. “The question is, how much can you give?”

Finding himself in the backseat of Renjun’s car isn’t the way Donghyuck thought the night would end. But then again, he doesn’t think anyone would think it’s the way any night would end between them.

But here he is, lodged in between the leather car seat and Renjun’s body in the cramped space, Renjun’s lips pressed against his neck as he leaves marks there. Donghyuck can’t even help the moan he lets out even if he wants to. 

Renjun and him, they don’t get along. But once upon a time, when they had been younger, innocent—untainted, they got along. They got along to the point where Renjun had confessed his love to him and Donghyuck, young and afraid and _stupid_ had rejected him. It’s the reason why they’re like this now, why they’re always toeing violence with each other—but it doesn’t explain the attraction between.

Or perhaps, it does.

Donghyuck is taken away from his thoughts when Renjun’s teeth drag down on the skin of his neck, eliciting a whine from him as Renjun untucks his shirt from his pants.

“Are you just going to keep thinking and be useless? Use your hands, is this all you can give?” 

Renjun’s words are mean—exciting. Donghyuck feels it light up his skin; heat skittering over every cell that Renjun touches. He’s filled with the need to impress Renjun, the primal want to have Renjun begging and pliable for him.

“No,” he responds, pulling Renjun close by his hips before he pushes him down on the seat. This time, he hovers over him. “I’ll show you what I can give.”

Renjun looks at him, eyes glossy before he pulls him back down with the collar of his shirt. “Shut up.”

Donghyuck feels like hell.

Don’t get him wrong, the things that happened the night before is _amazing._ He still feels his skin burn where Renjun had touched him, the bruises that had been left by Renjun’s lips on his neck are still fresh. However, the hangover isn’t as equally appreciated. 

He’s sitting by the kitchen island, head in his hands as he tries his best to keep his shit together. Jaemin is whipping something up by the stove, it smells a lot like his signature hangover stew.

“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” He exclaims, extending his arms over the surface of the island and pressing his cheek against the cool material. It helps alleviate the heat he’s feeling, just a little bit though. “I hate this. I’m never drinking again.”

“How much did you even drink for you to be this hungover?” Jaemin asks. Donghyuck hears the faint rustling of ceramic against ceramic, indicating that Jaemin must be serving the stew now. He doesn’t lift his head to look though, far too dizzy that any slight movement might cause him to actually throw up. 

“Dunno,” he responds, voice barely above a whisper, “when you and Jeno left—I don’t remember much after that.”

A lie.

Jaemin walks to where he is, sliding the bowl of hot stew over to him and Donghyuck does his best to sit up properly. The stew looks amazing, steam emanating from it and Donghyuck gives Jaemin the most grateful grin he can muster as he gets handed the spoon. 

“Weren’t you with Renjun?” Jaemin brings up that one little detail he hoped he has forgotten by now. Donghyuck swallows nervously.

“Yeah?” Donghyuck chokes up, and he lifts his eyes enough to see the one second glance Jaemin gives his neck.

Oh, fuck.

Trying to act as normal as possible, Donghyuck clears his throat and stretches his neck, acting as if the hickeys on there aren’t a big deal. “We had drinks together, a little bit.”

“Mhm,” Jaemin hums, taking a seat across him, “and those hickeys, Renjun too?”

Startled, Donghyuck almost burns his tongue on the stew. “What? No! How—pfft, _me_ and Renjun? No way. No, no, no way! No way ever!” 

Jaemin chuckles low, shaking his head as he diverts his attention to his stew. “Okay,” Jaemin says, “I believe you.”

Donghyuck isn’t relieved though, something about the grin on Jaemin’s lips tells him that he isn’t quite telling the truth either.

Before he digs himself a deeper hole, Donghyuck shoves another spoonful of stew in his mouth, not caring even if it burns his tongue this time. 

Hiding the hickeys isn't a problem. In fact, he doesn’t even hide them, he quite enjoys the teasing and the bragging that comes with it—that is, until he meets Renjun again. 

They meet three days after the party. Not purposefully, because again, there’s the entire avoiding each other to keep peace thing. But then again, they still have mutual friends and that’s exactly the reason why they’re shoved together in the cafe today.

It’s okay, until Donghyuck notices that like him, Renjun isn’t making any effort to cover up the hickeys too. Their bruises have begun healing, but they’re still opaque enough for people to put two and two together and he hopes, _prays,_ to a god that he doesn’t believe in anymore that he managed to convince Jaemin during that last disaster conversation about this. 

Awkwardly, he settles on the seat across Renjun. Renjun is staring him down, the ghost of a smirk evident on his lips and Donghyuck is going to lose his mind. 

“Interesting,” Jaemin chimes from where he’s next to Renjun, his eyes quickly shifting from Renjun to Donghyuck, “very interesting indeed.”

Next to him, Jeno chuckles. “Yah,” he calls to Renjun and Donghyuck, “do you guys have something to share with the class?”

Needless to say, Donghyuck has long since learned that prayers don’t really work for people like Jaemin. 

Donghyuck shakes his head and grabs the menu from the middle of the table. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Renjun is stifling his laughter across him, and Donghyuck gives him and upward glare. Renjun only smiles, tilts his head to the side and raises a brow at him. As if he’s challenging him, taunting him.

“Oh, you guys are talking about this?” Renjun bares his neck for all of them to see, and there on his skin are the bruises in the shape of Donghyuck’s mouth. Donghyuck is fucking sweating, for all of the reasons one can sweat.

He’s so nervous he thinks he’s going to combust, and yet seeing the hickeys there on Renjun’s skin ignites something in the pit of his stomach. Flashes of memory from last night are brought back incessantly and Donghyuck fights with the little devil on his shoulder. _This should not turn you on, heathen._

Jeno lets out a wolf whistle, “yeah? Who gave you those, Injunnie?”

Renjun gives Donghyuck a knowing glance, then shakes his head. “My secret boyfriend.”

_What is he talking about?_

Jaemin laughs, then dies out in his chest when he realizes that Renjun is being serious. “What? You’re joking?”

Renjun shakes his head no and then grabs the menu from Donghyuck’s hand. Donghyuck sits back on his chair, intimidated. He tries his best to look disinterested, but Donghyuck is trailing on every word that comes out of Renjun’s mouth like a song he’s desperately trying to follow.

“No,” he says, “after Donghyuck got drunk, my boyfriend picked me up from the club. Then we had car sex.”

Electricity shoots down Donghyuck’s spine, somehow jolting him to full wakeness. 

Renjun is going to be the end of him.

“That’s a lot to unpack.” Jaemin comments.

“Nice. And who brought you back home, Donghyuck, and who gave you those hickeys?” Jeno questions, now more concerned than teasing. Jeno’s always been a worrier, and he’s most definitely worrying about how he got home safely now.

Donghyuck offers a shrug. “Don’t remember,” he says, the explanation he’s been giving people these days, “but they were pretty hot, I can say that much. Don’t worry, Jeno. I got a cab home.”

Jeno evidently relaxes when Donghyuck tells him that, but they still aren’t done with this conversation. Jaemin reminds him of that.

“And Renjun, _when_ are you planning to introduce us to this secret boyfriend of yours?” Jaemin prods on, elbowing Renjun on his side and Renjun deflects him with a palm.

“Don’t know.” He says, laughing slightly. “He’s shy.”

It amazes Donghyuck just how easily Renjun lies. How easily he can come up with make believe stories, it’s both terrifying and enthralling. Renjun has a way with words that no one else does. Donghyuck has always been hooked, far more than he lets on. 

Donghyuck licks his lips and tries not to fidget, failing miserably. 

“Shy? I didn’t know you liked shy boys.” Jaemin comments, raising a brow.

“Guess I did. C’mon, I came here for free coffee. Isn’t it your turn to pay today, Jeno?” Renjun changes the topic quickly, and just like that, Jeno is scrambling for his wallet as Renjun comes with him to the counter to order their drinks.

When they’re out of earshot, Jaemin pulls his chair closer to the table and beckons Donghyuck with a finger.

Donghyuck obliges.

“You think he’s lying?”

Donghyuck presses his lips together. “I don’t know, don’t care”

Jaemin eyes him again, his gaze shifting quickly down to his neck before he flicks them back up to meet with Donghyuck’s eyes. Donghyuck pretends he does not notice. “Sure. I still feel like something fishy is going on, I’ll figure it out.”

With the way Jaemin narrows his eyes at him, Donghyuck doesn’t doubt he will.

“Sure you will.”

They meet Yangyang again a week after he went missing in action. 

He says he’s finally done with his project, and everything that entails it, so he now has full control of his time without academe’s vice-like grip. Or, something along those lines.

The hickeys aren’t a problem anymore, some of them are starting to fade out while some are still stubborn. Everyone who knows him has seen it (except his parents, of course, bless their souls), so explaining them isn’t a problem anymore—except today, because Yangyang hasn’t seen them yet.

The venue is their apartment, as per usual. They say it’s the biggest out of all their lodgings that’s why all the meet-ups happen here. Donghyuck thinks it’s convenient, because it’s his place and he can just crawl into the room once he’s too tired to socialize and Jaemin is always ready to provide sustenance. For today though, Yangyang has ordered a bunch of food—saving Jaemin from the labor in the kitchen.

Donghyuck is in his most comfortable form, just in his old t-shirt that has a tiny hole at the back and his shorts that’s been his since he was 15. Their coffee table has been cleared of the usual stacks of books and papers there, and instead Jaemin has set down plates and utensils for when the food and their friends arrive. They’ve also taken out the drinks for tonight and Donghyuck makes a very big reminder in his head to not drink _that_ much.

He’s still up for a good time. 

Their doorbell pings once, twice, and _thrice_ and Donghyuck knows it’s their friends. Scrambling up from the floor as Jaemin is still in the bathroom, Donghyuck opens the door. 

“I told you not to use the fucking doorbell it’s so noisy—” 

The door reveals Renjun, his hands tucked inside his jeans and he gives Donghyuck a quick once over. A small smile appears on Renjun’s lips, and Donghyuck feels himself immediately stiffen as he grips the doorknob. “I thought you were Yangyang.”

Ever since that party, Donghyuck has felt this certain nervousness each time Renjun is near. Like if he just steps too close, Renjun will make him come apart with his fingers alone. He knows it’s because of that dull _tension_ being more palpable now, and the more that they don’t speak about it the weirder it will get, but that doesn’t mean he will do anything to recognize it. 

Hubris.

“Well, I’m not.” Renjun shrugs as he pushes past Donghyuck to get inside the apartment, his elbow brushing against Donghyuck’s arm. It brushes only slightly, but it’s enough to for a slight shiver run down Donghyuck’s spine.

_What’s wrong with him?_ He doesn’t get attached to one-night stands, but maybe it’s different now because it’s Renjun. That just makes everything _worse,_ in Donghyuck’s opinion. 

Worse—because it’s Renjun.

Jaemin exits from the bathroom just in time as Renjun makes himself welcome on the couch, throwing his whole body on it and lying down. 

“You’re here early,” Jaemin comments as he sits down on the floor, “food’s not here yet. Yangyang and Jeno will come in a bit, I think.”

“It’s fine.” Renjun says as he pulls his phone out to play games. Donghyuck walks over to them, finding the spot next to Jaemin as he grabs the remote from where they keep it on the couch. The back of his hand brushes against Renjun’s calf. Neither of them flinches at the touch. Renjun doesn’t even spare him a glance.

Why does Donghyuck like this so much? He doesn’t understand either. At this point, he’s pretty sure that he’s discovering so many things about himself since that night of the party.

Soon enough, there’s another knock on the door that sounds awfully like Jeno’s pattern of knocking. So to excuse himself away from Renjun, Donghyuck pushes himself up from the floor and walks over to the door.

When he gets there, there’s Jeno standing next to Yangyang, engaged in a conversation about cats but Donghyuck doesn’t catch whatever it is they’re discussing as they shut up once he opens the door.

Yangyang greets him with their intricate high five, ending it with the soles of their foot high fiving too. When they finish, Jeno has already made his way to the center of the living room and has found his spot next to Jaemin.

“Where’s the food?” Donghyuck asks when they pull away, pushing the door close behind them.

Yangyang stretches his shoulders as they step inside. “It’ll come in about 30 minutes according to the app. Did you miss me or did you only allow us to go here for the free food?”

Donghyuck laughs, finding his spot on the floor as Yangyang practically flops over Renjun on the couch. “Both?”

Renjun struggles with Yangyang’s sudden weight on him, fighting to get him off him with his legs. Yangyang is strong though, keeps his arms tight around Renjun in some sort of a snuggle fest.

Donghyuck keeps the smile to himself.

It’s easy to catch up then, when all five of them are together like this. There’s no awkward tension, no uncomfortable silences and there is definitely no shutting them up. Yangyang tells them about their project, and Donghyuck tries to keep the conversation clear of the party.

Soon enough, the food arrives, and they gobble them all down too quickly. Conversations are shared over the lull of the movie that Jeno picks out, they’re full and slightly tipsy from the drinks—and Donghyuck won’t have it any other way.

University may be stressful, but he’ll endure busy and tiring weekdays for the weekends spent with the friends that keep him afloat.

They’re in the middle of a conversation about Jeno’s most recent football game, laughter filling their apartment when Yangyang interjects the laughter with a question that seems to come from nowhere. 

“Wait—hold on, I’ve been meaning to ask something.” Yangyang wipes the grease off his lips with a napkin. “Donghyuck, are you dating Renjun?”

For the first time in a while, awkward silence befalls the group of friends.

“What?”

“Yangyang, shut the fuck up.”

Donghyuck turns his head to look at Renjun, eyebrows raised and eyes wide in shock. Renjun sports the same expression, except it turns into a frown as immediately as the shock occupies it. Jeno and Jaemin are equally shocked, albeit more amused than they are. Jaemin has that knowing grin again. 

Yangyang decides to elaborate. “No! I asked Renjun the other day who gave him those hickeys and he said it’s from his secret boyfriend and did not elaborate. And I saw you today and I saw you had the same hickeys. So I just connected two and two together, are you dating?” He points his fingers at them teasingly, a grin raising the sides of his lips.

Donghyuck sputters, letting out an incredulous laugh. “What the hell? No!”

Renjun and him dating, him and Renjun. Renjun and Donghyuck. The image is clear in his brain, reminds him of something from a couple of years ago but he shakes those images away.

Now is not the time, really.

“Fine, no need to be so defensive. Just making sure.” Yangyang shrugs, as if he hasn’t just unknowingly caused chaos. Donghyuck glances at Renjun, who’s not even looking up from his food—eyes focused at this bowl of jjajangmyeon. 

Donghyuck wonders what’s going on in Renjun’s brain now, what thoughts are crossing his mind. He wonders if he ever feels anything.

Then again, can anyone feel something more than _despise_ for the person who rejected your sincere feelings because they’re a coward? He doesn’t think so.

Wanting to prove his point, Donghyuck opens his mouth again. “There’s no need to make sure of anything because Renjun and I are not dating. And will not be dating.”

Jeno hits his knee against the table accidentally, causing the plates to clang and Jaemin gives him a pointed look. Yangyang is looking at him, brow raised this time.

Renjun lets out an airy laugh from across him. There’s a bitter half-smile that lines his pretty face. “I’m sure they get the point, Donghyuck.” 

Donghyuck feels a pang of regret upon hearing Renjun’s voice. _Like he has done something so vile._ Maybe he has. “I just…”

Renjun shakes his head and gathers his plates, then stands up to dispose of them at the sink. “It’s fine, drop the conversation. It doesn’t matter.”

The uncomfortable tension doesn’t really leave after that night ends. Even curled up in his own bed and all washed up, Donghyuck still feels the dirt on his tongue from the words he has said. 

The next time he meets Renjun, they’re helping Jaemin make props for the next play his theater organization has. Jaemin has always been the theater kid, and Renjun joined the organization to be part of the production team—just for something to do with the little free time he has. Jaemin has managed to beg Donghyuck to help since they’re short on staff this season.

Begrudgingly, Donghyuck agrees. 

Donghyuck is helping Renjun haul the materials from the stockroom, which is across the hallway from the organization room. 

He doesn’t know why it’s just them, but he has a gut feeling that Jaemin has something to do with this somehow.

“Jaemin made me do this.” Donghyuck says out of nowhere as Renjun’s eyes scan through the list in his hands to make sure they’ve gotten everything they needed from the room.

He doesn’t know why he says that and saying that out loud doesn’t even provide any sort of relief. Nonetheless, it’s something to fill the air, something to scratch at the awkward air around them.

Renjun’s eyes flick over to him for a fraction of a second, cold and steely, before he looks back down at his checklist. He shrugs. “I know.” 

The elephant in the room continues to hang in the air. And Donghyuck doesn’t know when he would be left alone with Renjun like this again, so he figures, there’s no better time than now to address what’s been bothering him—them. 

“The party… thing?” He begins rather stiffly, but the statement makes Renjun lift his eyes from his list to him. They share eye contact, and Donghyuck fights to keep it as he says his next words. “We don’t have to talk about it explicitly, but I just don’t want it making things more awkward between us.”

Renjun has a slight smile on his face, chewing on his cheek to keep his expression neutral. Donghyuck’s quick eyes catch it anyway. Renjun looks like he’s going to devour Donghyuck soon, and not in the way Donghyuck wants. 

“You’re the only one making it awkward, Donghyuck.” Renjun says and turns back to his list. “You’re the only one being nervous about it. We fucked, that’s all there is to it. We were both drunk. Don’t think so much.” Renjun speaks with so much certainty to this voice that Donghyuck starts to wonder if he ever thought as hard about that night as Donghyuck did.

Probably not.

Renjun moves to gather the props, moving around the room as he collects them neatly in the box they’re standing around. Donghyuck follows him around, helping him out as best as he can. He feels pretty useless. 

“I know… but the entire secret boyfriend story? What was that even about?” He brings it up suddenly, the thoughts that he has been hiding for so long springing out into the open in the heat of the moment.

This conversation with Renjun is the last thing he expects to have with him in this lifetime, but he has created his situation and he has to resolve it.

Renjun stops in his tracks, turns to look at him and pushes at his chest slightly. Donghyuck stumbles back in surprise, both from the action and the look on Renjun’s face. He deciphers it as anger, and Donghyuck feels the daggers shot at him just from Renjun’s eyes alone.

Renjun speaks up, fists on his sides now. “What are you even so mad about? You know there’s no secret boyfriend—you know you gave me those hickeys!”

“I know! I’m not _mad._ I just don’t want us to be—”

They’re too focused on each other that they don’t notice the stockroom door opening, revealing Jaemin behind it who chimes, “oh, so Donghyuck gave you those hickeys?” 

The silence is deafening, it feels as though they have just been caught red handed for doing something illegal. He doesn’t know what to say, panicked, he looks to Renjun with his eyes blown wide.

They really should have talked about this earlier and shouldn’t have pretended nothing happened because now, their miscommunication has bitten them in the ass and they’re going to suffer from it.

Renjun flushes, and Donghyuck feels himself lose all blood from his head. He thinks he’s going to faint from the way Jaemin is looking at him with an expression a mix of surprise and mischief. 

The thing is, Jaemin knows so much more than he lets on. Jaemin knows about how Donghyuck feels for Renjun and this is probably the most terrifying moment in his life. The mess is unravelling.

Steeling his resolve, Donghyuck blinks. “Yeah? And what about it?”

_What did he just say?_

“So, you’re finally dating?” Jaemin grins, stepping forward to them and the temperature in the room feels as though it has dropped. 

Renjun groans in front of him, pushing past Donghyuck to exit the room but not before yelling: “Yes! Now shut up and leave me alone!”

_Did Renjun just say they’re dating? Did he agree with him? What is going on?_

A million thoughts course through Donghyuck’s brain, the realization of what had just happened is hitting him like a truck and it has effectively paralyzed him on his spot.

When Renjun slams the door behind him, it brings Donghyuck back to full awareness of Jaemin grinning like his face is going to split in half. Jaemin practically flings himself at him, arms wrapping him in a secure hug and Donghyuck has half the mind to catch him midway.

“Donghyuck! You did it! I can’t believe you finally told him how you really felt! I’m so _so_ proud of you! You have to tell me everything!”

Donghyuck chuckles nervously, prying Jaemin’s arms away from him. “Sure, uh, I’ll tell you but uh—can I, talk to Renjun first?” 

Jaemin pulls away and nods. “Of course. He seems angry? What did you guys fight about? Ugh, couple fights can be messy. If you need to talk about it, I’m here with expert advice.”

Donghyuck doubts that Jaemin actually has advice for the situation. Still, he nods and smiles. “Sure. Let’s get these props back to the room.”

When they get to the organization’s room, they don’t find Renjun there and none of the production staff has seen him come back. Everyone thinks it’s odd that Renjun has just disappeared like that, he’s always the one to lead them when it comes to meetings like this. Donghyuck makes an excuse that Renjun is not feeling well, from across the room, Jaemin is smiling to himself as he listens to Donghyuck talk about Renjun. 

The meeting progresses without anyone hearing from Renjun, and Donghyuck has started to get worried. After whatever the fuck happened earlier, and considering their complicated history, Donghyuck is worried sick about how Renjun may be feeling.

He knows apologies won’t do it, knows that he’s fucked up beyond belief by revealing them. He doesn’t even understand the thought process behind it either, in fact, he believes that there’s not a single thought behind it. 

But then again, Renjun said they were dating?

Later, when he’s back at his apartment and skimming through his notes from one of his classes, he receives a text from Renjun.

The way he jumps from his chair and scrambles to open the text message when he sees who texted is embarrassing. He’s thankful he’s currently alone. 

**RENJUN**  
sorry about that  
i didn’t mean to have an outburst like that  
it was just getting so annoying?? and you were annoying me  
i didnt want to seem like a loser and not have a secret boyfriend  
LMFAO  
dont worry though, i’ll tell jaemin it was a lie. i just wanted him to let it go.

**ME**  
it’s okay  
i was the one who revealed it first?? also... im sorry hh  
it was getting annoying too  
i was a little surprised that you said we were dating tho haha 

**RENJUN**  
yea i know i feel pathetic ugh  
i know u dont have feelings for me nor will you ever will  
so can u pls like… let it go this once  
i’m really sorry too  
i’ll tell them the secret boyfriend isnt real and that we fucked so this will just be over with lol

**ME**  
huh  
um  
well  
uh... maybe, if you want, you and i… we can just go along with it? pretend that we’re dating?

**RENJUN**  
what 

**ME**  
i mean it’s already out there  
you already made me cum in the backseat of your car  
whats gonna be so hard with pretending to date

**RENJUN**  
what 

“You know what, what if we just tell them the truth? You’re right.” Donghyuck laments, leaning back against the brick wall of the library as they go over the details of their fake relationship once more.

Donghyuck is with Renjun behind the university library, a place none of their friends frequent hence they both deemed it’s the best spot to _talk_ about this situation they’ve gotten themselves in.

After last night’s exchange of text messages, they decided that it will be better to talk about this in person. Of course, that would be better, except Donghyuck can’t look at Renjun in the eyes without wanting to combust. 

The tension has worn off slightly, and now, he can be alone with Renjun without being drunk and without them wanting to chase each other off the face of the earth. It’s kind of nice, he thinks, how it’s getting more comfortable seeing Renjun without wanting to burn up.

“Come on,” Renjun scoffs, “I already confessed to you before and you rejected me. I had to live with the shame of being rejected by you, the least you can do is give me a redemption arc by pretending that you’re the one that confessed to me.” He goes over their history with each other with a serious tone, and Donghyuck’s jaw drops at how casually he addresses the longstanding issue. 

Here he is, always thinking that Renjun is still stuck in that part of their lives. He wonders how long has Renjun been unstuck, and he can’t help but wonder if he’s the only one stuck after all this time.

Renjun raises a brow, snaps his fingers in front of his eyes and speaks. “I’m just kidding. I’ve moved on from you, in case you’re thinking about that.”

Donghyuck gathers himself, closes his jaw and laughs it off. “No, it’s just—I didn’t think I would speak this casually with you again. You know, after rejecting you.” _Like a dumbass._

Renjun crosses his arms and doesn’t show any sign of agitation at the mention of the rejection. To Donghyuck, it always felt as though saying that word or even bringing up that moment is a curse word. But to Renjun, it’s all surprisingly casual. “If you don’t act well enough, you’ll never speak to me again.”

Now, that’s very sobering. 

A part of him doesn’t believe they’re really going to do this, but another part of him tells him that if he doesn’t do well this time around—he’s not going to have another shot at having some semblance of friendship with Renjun again.

Maybe that’s all he’s been craving all this time. 

“Okay, fine,” Donghyuck relents, feigning hesitance, but he’s more than ready to act it all out, “I’ll be the one that confessed, practically groveled for you, got it.”

“You don’t have to grovel, but I won’t mind that little detail.” Renjun comments, a sly smile on his face. Donghyuck doesn’t remember the last time Renjun has smiled at him like this. 

Their situation now, no matter how odd it is, reminds Donghyuck of what they used to be. Before feelings got entangled, before they got too prideful to apologize. He has almost forgotten how nice it feels to be able to talk to Renjun without any pretenses. 

Donghyuck shakes his head, a fond smile betraying him. “Okay, I’ll make sure to emphasize that I groveled for you to take me into your arms and accept me as your lover.”

Renjun checks his watch. “Well, that’s all the time I have for now. Remember the story, okay? And if they ask, make sure I look good with anything that you answer them with.”

Renjun begins to leave, and stunned, Donghyuck calls after him. “And what do I get for doing that?”

“Hm,” Renjun pauses, spins around to look at him and tilts his head to the side, “whatever you want?”

_Nice._

Telling their friends about their relationship comes easier than they thought. Of course, it’s understandable that they’re shocked and that Yangyang gloats for being right, they’ve had this tension between them for such a long time because of that confession gone wrong. But when they tell him the made-up story, of Donghyuck confessing to Renjun this time, and practically groveling to take him back—they find it easy to believe somehow.

He doesn’t know if he should take offense in the fact that his friends think he isn’t above groveling for Renjun. But, surprisingly, they don’t question it, so he doesn’t complain. The entire story saves Renjun’s face with their friends, but Donghyuck still doesn’t know what he’ll gain from doing this.

Renjun’s forgiveness? Renjun’s friendship? Renjun himself?

Donghyuck shakes those thoughts away. He’s just helping Renjun, that’s all there is to it. No ulterior motives, he just wants to make it up to him this time. Of course, there are times when Donghyuck thinks about telling their friends about the entire set-up, or even to just Jaemin, but one look at Renjun is enough for him.

He can’t break his trust again.

Spending time with Renjun is something he should get used to by now, considering the fact that they are _dating_ in front of their friends now, they’ve made it a point to give them some time alone. Jaemin insists that new couples, especially _them_ who have been dating secretly, should spend time together… publicly this time.

So he ends up here, trailing behind Renjun as they shop for clothes. He isn’t really big on shopping but their friend group has split up earlier after hanging out at the nearby arcade. Naturally, since they’re _dating,_ Donghyuck ends up with Renjun.

“What are you thinking about?” Renjun asks out of the blue, filling the silence between them. Donghyuck is jolted away from his thoughts immediately, his eyes landing on Renjun who isn’t even looking at him.

Renjun has busied himself with inspecting a grey sweater, yet Donghyuck is positive that he has been observing him mumbling to himself, lost in thought as he inspects clothes folded over each other. Donghyuck clears his throat and walks to where Renjun is, but Renjun has already moved away from the grey sweater and onto the next.

“Just,” he starts, “I’m just worried that they’ll find out?”

Donghyuck bumps against Renjun when he realizes he has stopped in his tracks. Renjun turns to him, chin tilted up in confidence. “Every secret gets found out,” Renjun says without missing a beat, “we just have to outsmart fate. In a couple of weeks, let’s just tell them we broke up. No big deal.”

Donghyuck’s eyebrows meet in the middle of his forehead in a frown. This relationship is fake, without any foundation except him and Renjun being crass and careless, but why is the thought of _fake_ breaking up with Renjun suddenly upsetting him?

Odd.

“What?” Renjun asks, and Donghyuck shakes his head when Renjun notices his frown.

“Nothing! It’s just… I’m not good at this dating stuff.”

Renjun laughs out of his nose, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, I can tell.”

“Renjun…”

“You’re bad at dating, it’s not news. Come here.” Renjun beckons him over, and Donghyuck obliges. Then, Renjun grabs his wrist, his hand travelling down until their fingers are intertwined together.

Donghyuck glances down at their now interlocked hands, brow raised as Renjun nonchalantly lets their hands fall to their sides.

“What are you doing?”

“Teaching you how to date so you don’t look like a fumbling idiot in front of our friends. Think of it as training.” Renjun says it so casually that Donghyuck is convinced that Renjun truly has no feelings for him anymore.

It feels a bit regretful.

Donghyuck chuckles to himself and squeezes Renjun’s hand. “So, you dated anyone before?”

Renjun hums. “Quite a bit. You know, getting your heart broken is a sure motivation to go out and meet people. I have experience now.”

It strikes Donghyuck just now that he isn’t entirely aware of Renjun’s dating history. He knows that Jaemin and Jeno are dating, knows that Yangyang is fucking someone from the year above them—but with Renjun, he really doesn’t know anything.

It’s not surprising though. They barely talk.

“I’m sorry for being emotionally unavailable?” He apologizes, struck with that nasty feeling of guilt again.

Renjun smiles slightly, shaking his head at him. “I’m just teasing. But… apology accepted?”

The guilt washes away as soon as it comes.

Renjun lets that conversation die down as they pay for the clothes Renjun picked out. Donghyuck doesn’t buy anything, says he’s too broke for anything and Renjun doesn’t push him to buy anything. It’s perfectly fine, except for the fact that Renjun doesn’t let go of his hand until he’s done paying, until they’ve gone to two different stores and until it’s time for them to go back to their dorms.

Renjun doesn’t let go of him—and Donghyuck finds himself liking it.

If Donghyuck really thinks about it, he isn’t so sure how he remained friends with Renjun after clumsily rejecting his confession.

Their friends are a factor in this, they move in the same social circle and are enrolled in a couple of classes together. It’s inevitable that they’d interact. He’s not very sure if he can consider their relationship as friends but treating each other with hostility has been the only way they knew how to stay together in each other’s lives.

For Donghyuck, he thinks that it’s easier to hate each other than admit they still have feelings. It’s easier for Donghyuck to poke fun, to tease, to fuck around than to admit he has feelings for Renjun. Staying around each other, despite the tension and the awkwardness that had surrounded them due to what transpired between them, is a slow process of torture

_And yet._

Then again, he’s always been quite foolish. That must be enough to explain it all.

They’re together again, on a study group with their friends. Naturally, they’re sitting next to each other. This time, they’re at Yangyang’s place around the dining table with their study materials scattered all over the table. His friends don’t like the library, because they’re all noisy studiers but the noise helps them retain the information somehow.

Jeno is quizzing Yangyang off of flashcards, while Jaemin is on his own corner repeating a list of scientific names to himself until he has memorized them all. Renjun, next to him, is clicking his tongue as he runs through a page and turns to the next, scanning his review materials.

Meanwhile, Donghyuck has been reading the same paragraph over and over again for the past five minutes because the words aren’t making sense in his head. He wonders if it’s because of Renjun’s thigh brushing against his own as Renjun bounces his knees.

“Shit,” Jaemin slams his hand against the table, breaking the stupor the group is in. Everyone turns their heads to look at him in urgency, worry spiking in the air.

“What is it?” Jeno asks, placing down the flashcards he’s been quizzing Yangyang with, his full attention on Jaemin now.

Jaemin is on his phone, typing away furiously. “I forgot I have a group project meeting in literally ten minutes.” He says then stands up to gather his things haphazardly into his bag.

“Suddenly?” Yangyang asks, while Jeno hands Jaemin his water bottle. Jaemin stuffs it with the rest of his things.

Renjun is still focused on his notes, unbothered at the chaos of Jaemin’s sudden realization that he has prior commitments.

“Is this your group that you hate?” Donghyuck has to bite the inside of his cheeks from laughing when Jaemin rolls his eyes at him. It seems like he’s right.

“Yup, I hope I get struck by lightning on my way out so I have an excuse to not meet with them. I’ll make it up to you guys next time. Okay?”

Jeno pouts. “Be safe, text me if you need me to pick you up.” He reminds gently, a hand wrapped around Jaemin’s wrist as Jaemin begins to leave. Jaemin smiles down at Jeno appreciatively, the couple sharing a tender moment as if everyone else in the room has disappeared.

Donghyuck notices only now that Jeno and Jaemin _always_ does this. It’s sickening.

He wonders if he has to do this with Renjun too.

Speaking of Renjun, he hasn’t raised his eyes from his study material. Which, really, is good for him. Renjun has the capacity to focus in a single task and that amazes Donghyuck.

“Okay, but I really have to leave now.” Jaemin ducks his head down, hand sliding languidly over Jeno’s cheek as he meets him in a quick kiss and Donghyuck tears his eyes away at the sight.

Yangyang gags from next to Jeno, a stark contrast in reaction.

Donghyuck’s heart pounds suddenly. He truly wonders now if he has to do that level of _couple stuff_ with Renjun at the presence of their friends. His knees stutter at the thought.

Jaemin bids his goodbyes to them, and when the door is shut and everyone is scrambling to get back to their study rhythm, Yangyang suggests something that Donghyuck doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready for.

“Hey, Renjun—do you kiss Donghyuck goodbye too?”

That’s all it takes to tear Renjun’s eyes away from his review materials, head lifting to look at Yangyang with a scowl. Donghyuck is sputtering, filling the room with his awkward laughter. Jeno is interested in the conversation too, visibly perking up.

Renjun and Donghyuck speak at the same time.

“That’s none of your business—”

“Yeah, I kiss him. What about it?”

He feels Renjun step on his foot under the table. Donghyuck tries his best not to yell at the excruciating pain shooting up his metatarsals. He might have to get it checked later.

Yangyang has the devilish grin on his lips, the kind of smile where just the side of his lips is lifting up. Jeno isn’t even helping either, Jeno who can do no wrong is definitely in on it. He thinks they want to see them both suffer.

Yangyang claps his hands once together, the shit-eating grin grinding Donghyuck’s gears. “Well! I would like to see it!”

Renjun clears his throat and rolls his eyes. He shifts in his seat, flipping to the next page of his notes as he pretends to read. Renjun’s casual demeanor unsettles Donghyuck just slightly. He’s still learning how to get used to Renjun being such a great actor, after all. “I’ll kiss him later when I actually have to say goodbye.”

Jeno frowns at that, booing at them before cheering, “kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

Donghyuck shoves his face into his hands, he heels of his palms digging into his eyes as he feels himself heat up from the neck up. Why are his friends doing this?

“Oh my god, you two are actual children.” Renjun groans, kicking Yangyang and Jeno’s legs from under the table which causes the two boys to laugh and lift their legs up from the floor. They’re erupting in laughter, enjoying this shitshow in front of them.

“Renjun and I don’t need to prove anything—” Donghyuck starts, but before he can even finish his sentence, he feels a hand pressing to his nape, Renjun’s thumb pushing at his jaw so that he looks at him.

“Come here.”

Donghyuck obliges. Obeys, almost.

Donghyuck closes his eyes when Renjun tilts his head to the side, heart in his throat as he expects whatever Renjun wants to do. In a split second, Renjun’s lips are pressed against his own in a gentle peck, barely even a kiss.

Still, it lights a fire in Donghyuck. Something primeval, everything about Renjun reduces Donghyuck to his lowest forms, it’s fucking sickening. And yet, Donghyuck wants more.

When Renjun pulls away a couple of seconds later, Donghyuck chases him, barely managing to stop himself when Renjun sits back down on his chair.

He’s so taken aback by Renjun’s kiss, still so drunk on what has been merely a brush of Renjun’s lips against his own, that he doesn’t even notice his friends hooting at them.

“Now leave us alone,” Renjun declares, exhaling through his nose as he goes back to his study materials, “if I fail this test, this is on both of you. And I hold a grudge.”

When Donghyuck finally comes back down to his senses, his face is still heated up and his friends are giggling to themselves. He tries to back Renjun up with his words, but he’s afraid that his words will fail him. So instead, he just quietly goes back to his study materials too.

He doesn’t miss the way Jeno furiously types on his phone though. He’s sure Jaemin has heard of this by now.

It takes a while before Donghyuck musters up the courage to talk to Renjun about it.

Donghyuck asks Renjun to talk, so Renjun asks him if they can talk in his room because he still has some stuff to do. With stuff being cleaning his room. Donghyuck agrees, it isn’t as if he has anything better to do with his time than watch Renjun clean anyway.

Renjun lives alone, in a studio apartment where his bed is also repurposed as a sofa. He sees why Renjun needs to clean up, but he doesn’t point out and finds his place on Renjun’s bed.

Donghyuck leans back on his palms, legs crossed over the top each other as he sits on Renjun’s bed. Renjun starts cleaning up, picking up his dirty laundry strewn around the room and tosses them into the hamper. “I would apologize for the mess,” Renjun begins, picking up a pair of jeans from the floor, “but I’m not really sorry.”

Donghyuck snorts. “Sure, just didn’t think you’d be so much of a slob.”

Renjun rolls his eyes and tosses a sock at him, which Donghyuck barely manages to dodge as he chucks it right back at Renjun. Renjun laughs, picking it up from the floor and putting it in his hamper. “It’s just been a busy week, I’m usually cleaner than this.” Renjun shrugs.

There is this certain level of comfortability between him and Renjun before everything went to shit, and it involves them already seeing the worst of each other. It’s the kind of comfortability that Donghyuck has missed during the time that he and Renjun weren’t on speaking terms.

But now, it’s creeping back into their lives slowly, reminding them of how they used to be—of what they can be.

“So,” Renjun says as he procures his vacuum out from the storage cabinet he has, “what did you want to talk about?”

The vacuum is loud when Renjun turns it on. It’s not really the most ideal background noise for when Donghyuck is pouring out his worries to Renjun but at the same time, the noise provides a buffer. It’s kind of funny, he thinks, how it’s always noisy when their most important moments happen.

“Just… the other day, right? You kissed me in front of Jeno and Yangyang and I was just wondering… shouldn’t we set up limits? What if I do something that would make you uncomfortable? I don’t want to accidentally cross lines.”

Renjun pauses, the vacuum stilling in his hand as he turns to look at Donghyuck. When their gazes meet, Renjun’s eyes are worried. “Did that make you uncomfortable?”

“What?”

“Did my kiss make you uncomfortable?”

Donghyuck shakes his head immediately. “No! I was taken aback, a little. I wasn’t so sure we could do that. But it wasn’t bad…” _I liked it._

Renjun lets out what sounds like a sigh of relief. Then, he puts the vacuum away and moves to the bed, sitting next to Donghyuck. Donghyuck straightens up and sits properly, hands tucked between his thighs as Renjun faces him.

“I also thought it would be okay with you since we already fucked.” Renjun says straightforwardly, and the mention of their one-night stand makes Donghyuck’s stomach coil.

He’s sweating already.

“I should have asked for permission.” Renjun clears his throat, his confidence uncharacteristically waning for that brief moment. “Sorry.”

Donghyuck grabs him by the shoulders. “No! Don’t say sorry, it was completely fine—it was okay—I enjoyed it.” Donghyuck flushes. “I just didn’t want any miscommunications. If we’re going to fake date, I want us to do this properly. Like, I’m into this as much as you are.”

Now, that statement makes Renjun’s eyes brow raise to his forehead. Donghyuck almost regrets it, but doesn’t find it in himself to regret anything when Renjun speaks again.

“So do you wanna practice?”

Donghyuck smiles in disbelief. “What are you talking about?”

Renjun leans back on his palms, moves so that his thighs brush against Donghyuck’s. Donghyuck shivers slightly. “I’m asking if you wanna make out. I don’t really have limits, Hyuck. And I know, it’s fake—but… if you wanna have fun with it, I don’t mind.”

That effectively renders Donghyuck speechless. So, what Renjun is proposing is that they _date_ without actually _dating._ He knows that there are so many ways that this path can go wrong, so many ways that they can fuck their relationship up even more than they already have—but Renjun is alluring. Donghyuck will say yes to anything he has to offer.

Donghyuck doesn’t know if he’s a bad person for wanting to accept what Renjun is proposing, a friends with benefits relationship _and_ fake dating in front of their friends. He just knows that everything is going to ruin him when shit hits the fan.

And yet.

“Fine,” Donghyuck sighs, “since you wanna make out with me so bad it makes you look stupid, let’s do it.”

Renjun cackles then pushes Donghyuck back down on the bed by his chest. “You’re so fucking cocky sometimes. It’s annoying.”

Donghyuck props himself up with his elbows, a sly grin stretching his lips as Renjun comes to straddle him. But Renjun pushes him back down by the shoulders, pinning him down on the bed.

His throat dries up, but he’s looking up at Renjun with so much expectation. When he came over today, he didn’t expect to end up pinned down by Renjun on his bed. But he isn’t complaining—it’s not the worst situation to be in.

“I can be cocky all the time.” Donghyuck bites back, and Renjun’s hand travels up from his shoulder to wrap around his neck. Donghyuck has his mouth open, breathing out through it as Renjun leans down, until the tips of their noses are brushing against each other.

The tension is so fucking thick that Donghyuck wants to drown in it.

Renjun’s hand on his throat squeezes just lightly, letting him know that he’s there, and Donghyuck does his hardest not to thrust up against Renjun’s hips. He doesn’t want to feel that pathetic, he isn’t sure if humiliation is a kink that he can handle this early.

He’s so into it, and Renjun hasn’t even kissed him.

“Not so cocky now, huh?”

Donghyuck groans low in his throat, his hands coming up to grip at Renjun’s hips. “Just kiss me already, fuck.”

Renjun chuckles, his breath fanning over Donghyuck’s lips as he taps his index finger against the line of Donghyuck’s throat. Donghyuck cranes his neck in an effort to kiss him already, and _finally,_ Renjun obliges.

When Renjun meets him into the kiss, Donghyuck completely fucking gives in. Ever since Renjun kissed him during that study session, it’s all Donghyuck has been thinking about and it’s barely even a peck.

Now, Renjun kisses him without shame nor inhibitions—Renjun kisses him like he’s going to fuck him.

And it excites him.

Donghyuck opens his mouth when Renjun traces his bottom lip with his tongue, the muscle slipping into his mouth with almost practiced ease.

Every flick of Renjun's tongue against his own ignites a fire in Donghyuck, a fire that eats him up from the inside out—burns him until all that's left of him are ashes. It's just a kiss—something that he has done multiple times with an amount of people that he cannot even count with a hand, but with Renjun, a kiss feels like the death of a star.

Renjun's kisses begin to trail lower, and Donghyuck is helpless but to allow him to do whatever he wants—however he wants. He thinks it's only fair that he gives everything up to Renjun, relinquish any sort of fight and let Renjun take what he wants. He doesn't have any complaints about it, it's something he craves—but he's never going to let him know that.

"How far do you want to take this?" Renjun asks against his neck, nibbling on the skin there. Donghyuck tilts his head back, groaning as Renjun's breath tickles him.

_How far does he want to take this?_

Donghyuck swallows and grips Renjun's hips tighter, canting up his own just to let Renjun know about what he wants. He feels Renjun's grin on his skin when he gets the message.

"I want to take it however far you want to take it."

Renjun clicks his tongue and pulls away. He holds back the whine when Renjun does, propping himself up on his elbows to look at him with a frown. "What do you feel like doing?"

Donghyuck's frown settles deeper into his expression. He's so painfully turned on, he doesn't really need Renjun asking so many things when he can be asking these things with his hands or with his mouth. But he figures that it's the best way to go with this situation they're putting themselves in. He figures that it's best if they allow themselves to talk first.

After all, _not_ talking caused the downfall of whatever they had in the first place.

They shouldn't let that happen again.

"Is there a limit to what I can ask?" Donghyuck chuckles, pushing his hair out of his face as Renjun settles back on Donghyuck's lap. The proximity is intense, and he doesn't remember the last time someone has been this close to him. It's nice, to feel someone on top of him like a sturdy reminder of his existence—it doesn't hurt that it's Renjun that's siting on top of him too.

Renjun's shoulders come up in a shrug as he shifts over Donghyuck's lap. He withholds the groan from the back of his throat.

"So are we talking about kinks or what?" Renjun asks so casually, face straight as if searching for whatever it is that Donghyuck means.

Donghyuck feels himself burning again. Are they at that part of their _relationship_ already? It's making him so flustered but thinking about it, thinking about taking each other to their limits makes his stomach coil in anticipation.

God, the effect Renjun's words have on him.

Not one to be outdone, Donghyuck smirks. "We can talk about it another day. I feel like that's going to be a _long_ discussion but right now... I really want your hand on my dick."

This time, it's Renjun's turn to be flustered, the facade of control he has fading for a quick second before he laughs and pushes Donghyuck down to lay on his back again.

"Glad you know what you want." Renjun says before he kisses him once more.

He isn't sure if Renjun's words bear more weight than he makes it seem, but Donghyuck chooses to not think about now—instead, he thinks about Renjun kissing down his collarbones, his quick hands tucking his shirt out of his pants.

"Should I do it or can you do it?" Renjun questions, glancing at his sweatpants as he raises his brow at him.

Donghyuck clears his throat. "I can do it."

Renjun laughs and gets off of him, rolling over to his side to let Donghyuck escape out of his pants. He feels only slightly shy as he gets up from the bed, shimmying out of his pants and tossing them to the side so that it doesn't get ruined by cum. Despite being shy, he feels such an immense force of power and confidence at the fact that Renjun is watching him undress.

He crawls back to the bed only in his boxers this time, and Renjun is lying down on his side, beckoning him over. He takes the initiative to kiss Renjun, tilting his chin up with his index finger and Renjun obliges easily.

"Mhm," Renjun whines into the kiss, tapping him on the shoulder before he pulls away. Before Donghyuck can complain though, Renjun has beaten him to it. "Lube, third drawer."

He almost lets out a whimper at that, but he hurriedly reaches over Renjun and rummages through the drawer Renjun mentions. He grabs the bottle of lube, smiling down at Renjun and hands it to him.

They shuffle to comfortable positions, this time, Renjun has found his spot in between Donghyuck's legs. If Donghyuck thinks about how Renjun is going to give him a hand job in a matter of seconds, he thinks his brain will shut down so he doesn't think—relishes in the feeling instead and lets Renjun do whatever he wants with him.

"What?" Renjun asks, leaning forward and hovering over him. His hand is beside Donghyuck's hip, the other running up and down his inner thigh—so close to where Donghyuck wants him but is still painfully so far away.

Donghyuck shakes his head and the grin away from his lips. "Nothing, go ahead."

Renjun rolls his eyes and grabs his thigh, Donghyuck's hips jerking up in response. His cock is so hard now, and it's amazing how just kissing and simple touches from Renjun has him so riled up.

"You're so hard." Renjun helpfully points out, finally palming him over his boxers and Donghyuck almost unravels right there and then. It's fucking crazy.

He runs his hand through his hair, evening his breathing. "Yeah—you're pretty fucking hot."

Renjun laughs, and rewards him by stroking his cock over his boxers. The friction is almost painful, his cock is curled up to his stomach that it peeks over the garter of his boxers and Renjun teasing him is only making it so much harder—but knowing Renjun, all this wait and teasing will be worth it.

"Thanks," Renjun says nonchalantly before he tugs down Donghyuck's boxers. Donghyuck whimpers out a sigh of relief, lifting up his hips so that Renjun can pull it down until he has revealed all of him. "I try."

Donghyuck nods encouragingly. "Try harder."

Renjun takes on the challenge. After what feels like years of anticipation building up in the pit of Donghyuck's stomach, stretching his nerves out until they are taut all over, Renjun finally wraps his hand around his girth.

Donghyuck doesn't close his eyes, no matter how good it feels, he wants to burn the sight of Renjun in between his legs to the back of his mind. He wants to be able to pull this memory out when he's lonely and touching himself, wants to cum just to the thought of Renjun alone.

Renjun works languidly. He grabs the bottle of lube, opens it and pours a copious amount on his hand to warm it. Then, rubs it all over Donghyuck's cock, thumb pressing over the slit as he lubes him up. The slide is fucking amazing, drives Donghyuck on edge even more.

It's only a hand job, and yet he already feels like he’s the king of the world.

"Fuck," Donghyuck curses, his elbows giving up on him so he lays flat on the bed, "keep going."

"I don't intend to stop." Renjun responds, pumping him with a sly grin. "You know what? I actually wanted to suck you off—but since you wanted a hand job..."

"Shit—don't say that, I'm going to fucking cum if you keep dirty talking."

"Oh?" Renjun quips, and Donghyuck knows that that shit-eating grin on his face is never going to be wiped off no matter how much Donghyuck tries.

He has lost this battle, but that's fine. He doesn't mind losing it when it comes to Renjun.

"Yes... ah, _shit."_

Renjun becomes relentless, almost merciless as he strokes him to completion. And Renjun must know what he's doing, because he kisses him again, sucking on his tongue as his hand works skillfully around Donghyuck's cock.

Renjun only pulls away from the searing kiss to whisper filth into Donghyuck's ear, words that he never thought he'll ever hear directed at him, words that he never thought he'll ever hear come out of Renjun's mouth.

With the combination of Renjun talking dirty to him, and his hand flicking in all the right ways that it's almost delicious—Donghyuck comes apart in Renjun's hold, cum painting his stomach and Renjun's hand as he releases to the sound of Renjun's name being called out like a prayer of salvation.

If Donghyuck sucks Renjun dry that day and they completely forget about cleaning up Renjun's apartment—then that's a story they'll remember for the time to come.

His relationship with Renjun goes better after that day.

Who knew that giving each other a hand job and a blowjob is the only way to repair the broken friendship between them? Sure, there's still the undiscussed history, but Donghyuck thinks it's a can of worms that they'll have to open some other day. But for now, everything about their relationship has been nice.

They've gotten better at pretending to date in front of their friends. They hold hands now, kiss when the other has to say goodbye early, cuddle together on the couch for their movie nights. They even started receiving complaints from their friends that they're starting to be worse than Jaemin and Jeno when it comes to public displays of affection.

Donghyuck never really thought that he'd be a good actor, but with Renjun, it doesn't even feel like he's acting at all.

They spend so much time together now, even without their friends in sight that it's getting harder to distinguish where the lines blur together. He knows that this is all pretend, but when he's spending time with Renjun going on _dates,_ just with the two of them, reminding himself of this is getting harder and harder as the days go by. Reminding himself that he should just bury his feelings for Renjun and never let them escape is getting harder when the way they treat each other rekindles the old flame.

Their old dynamics are returning to the forefront of their relationship, the playful banter and the teasing pushes. It's enough to convince everyone that they're dating, and if Donghyuck isn't careful, he might even convince himself that it's real too.

But each time he dares to forget, there's always a reminder that Renjun isn't his.

Just recently, during the premier of Jaemin's play, Renjun has been busy working with the production team. Of course, he came to watch to support Jaemin but more than that, he came to watch to support Renjun and see him backstage. He knows Renjun has worked hard with the production team, so he even bought flowers to take to him backstage.

He wonders if it's cheesy, for a moment he hesitates because he thinks that Renjun will think he's being weird for bringing him flowers. But he wants to show Renjun that he's proud of him, wants to show Renjun that he has done so well and _is_ doing so well.

So, an hour before the show, he comes into the backstage looking for Renjun. The team knows him well, being that he has helped them around when they lacked human resources so they just let him wander inside, teasing grins directed at him when they see the flowers because they know for sure who it is for.

He finds Renjun by himself, checking the props before they go into the stage for the show. But before Donghyuck can even make it there, only a few feet away from being in Renjun's line of sight, another boy comes up to him.

He hasn't seen the boy before, and he concludes that he must be from a different department. However, Renjun seems to know him very well because his eyes light up when he gets approached, practically flinging himself into the arms of the taller boy as a greeting.

If this is how jealousy feels like, Donghyuck doesn't want to feel anything ever again.

He doesn't hear their conversation as he's quite a distance away from them, but from the way that they remain attached to the hip as they converse animatedly, Donghyuck feels that fire grow bigger in his belly. And, it's not even the kind of fire that he's used to feeling with Renjun. The fire doesn't tickle him, the fire doesn't excite him.

The fire inside him is green, abundant with jealousy that it's suffocating.

Sure, he's Renjun's pretend boyfriend, but does the feeling of immense jealousy come with it? Is he pretending to be jealous or is he actually jealous? The fire that eats him up from the inside out is very much real, not a figment of his imagination, not fueled by the need to pretend.

He wishes it's not real, but it grapples him until he is helpless. Almost until he cannot think straight.

Renjun isn't his. There is no need to be jealous.

He doesn't even realize that he's being beckoned over by Renjun until Renjun has called him multiple times. "Yah! Lee Donghyuck, come over here! I want to introduce you to someone."

Donghyuck gets pulled back to his senses then, hiding the small bouquet of flowers behind him, even though he is sure that Renjun has seen him holding it by his chest.

He walks over to where they are confidently, at least now they have moved away from each other so that there's space for Donghyuck to wedge himself next to Renjun. Like the good boyfriend role that he plays, he wraps his free arm around Renjun's waist and leans forward to kiss him on the cheek, a few centimeters shy of kissing him on the side of his lips.

Renjun raises his brow at him, but smiles, nonetheless. "Hey, those for me?"

Donghyuck hands him the bouquet of congratulatory flowers. There's no need to hide it from him now that he knows it's solely his. "Of course, who else deserves flowers more than you do?"

Even in the dim light of the backstage, Donghyuck can see the slight blush that dusts Renjun's cheeks. He smiles to himself and rolls his shoulders back, standing taller for some reason. He knows there's no need to get all protective, but still—the thought of Renjun flirting with someone else that isn't him makes him blind with jealousy.

It forms a lump in his throat when he realizes that he has admitted his jealousy to himself.

Renjun accepts the flowers and clears his throat, jabs his elbow at his side and Donghyuck pretends it doesn't hurt as he smiles at the stranger.

"Anyway, as I was saying..." Renjun turns back to the taller guy and gestures in the space between them. Now that he's looking at him properly without the green flame of jealousy casting a dark shadow upon him, Donghyuck thinks that the stranger doesn't look that threatening. Sure, he's tall, and handsome, and has a wide smile—but he doesn't look like he has any bad bone in his body.

"This is Xuxi, my cousin. He came to watch the show."

The world stops, and the metaphorical record scratches in Donghyuck's head.

_Cousin._

"Cousin?" Donghyuck's voice raises an octave as he asks, doing his best to school his expression. All the green fire of jealousy has dwindled down to licks of shame running up his back. Of all people he can be jealous of—Donghyuck chose to get jealous of Renjun's cousin.

"Yeah!" Xuxi confirms. "I don't study here, but I heard that Little Huang's play premiers today so I just had to come and watch!"

Renjun rolls his eyes. "I'm not even an actor. But I appreciate you came, ge."

"It's no problem! It's your show too..." Xuxi pauses then, eyeing the flowers with a mischievous smile, then grins back up to Donghyuck. "So, flowers?"

Donghyuck's pupils tremble at the question. They agreed to pretend to date in front of their friends, but they didn't discuss _family._ Neither of them thought that this'll go as far as their family knowing about the pretend relationship but with Donghyuck being a jealous little shit, it seems like this is now a hole they'll have to jump into.

Renjun clears his throat, holds Donghyuck's waist a little tighter as if he's steeling himself from the next words he's about to say.

"He's my boyfriend."

Even if it's been a couple of weeks now, hearing that from Renjun still makes Donghyuck feel abashed and slightly cocky.

Xuxi's face lights up, not in the teasing manner their friends usually would do whenever they addressed their relationship. It's the way where he looks genuinely happy for Renjun. He wonders if Xuxi knows about their history.

It doesn't seem like it though, because Xuxi pulls him into a bone crushing hug before releasing him when he's a couple of seconds away from passing out.

"That's amazing! Congratulations, Renjunnie. Wow! Did you meet Auntie and Uncle already? Oh, they're going to love you! They've been wanting Renjun to get a boyfriend. You should come and—"

"Ge," Renjun interjects, pulling Donghyuck to his side. He has a vice-like grip on Donghyuck's arm. He can't help but wonder what's wrong. Is there something so wrong about Donghyuck meeting his family?

Xuxi steps back too, looking like a sad puppy. Donghyuck almost feels bad for him. "What?"

When Renjun speaks, his voice is evened out, even Donghyuck cannot pick up the lies in his tone. "He hasn't met them—as my boyfriend, at least. We haven't talked about it. So can you please not tell them for now?"

"Oh, shit. Of course. No problem. I'll keep my mouth shut. Cross my heart!" True to his words, Xuxi crosses his heart over his chest.

Donghyuck beams, takes this opportunity to show off and get on Xuxi's good side. "Thanks, Xuxi _ge._ But when I meet them as Renjun's boyfriend, I'll be sure to impress them. I don't want to disappoint you."

Renjun gags and practically shoves the both of them away. "Go find your seats! The show's about to start. I'm busy!"

Donghyuck laughs and blows the huffing Renjun a kiss. He exits the backstage, chatting and laughing with Xuxi. Renjun's cousin asks appropriate questions, how they met and things like that. Apparently, Renjun hasn't told him much about Donghyuck or even much about his friends in university so he's happy that he met Donghyuck luckily.

Talking with Xuxi about Renjun is easy, and Xuxi telling him stuff about Renjun that he wouldn't have known otherwise is another advantage for him. They're not really blackmail material, but they're entertaining enough so he can tease Renjun about them later.

Xuxi's seat number is away from their group of friends, so Donghyuck helps him find his seat before he finds Jeno and Yangyang a few rows away from the front row.

When he gets to them, Yangyang raises a brow at him. "Who's that friend of yours?"

Donghyuck shrugs, stepping over Yangyang's legs to get to this seat next to Jeno. "Renjun's cousin."

Jeno smiles at him when he sits down. "Meeting the family already?"

Donghyuck frowns as the lights go out. "I've already met his parents, remember?"

"Yeah but..." Yangyang shuffles in his seat, making himself comfortable as the show starts. "It's different now."

He knows that. It's different now, he's Renjun's 'boyfriend' and he knows that the perception of Renjun's parents on him might change. The first time he met them, he got into their good sides. He's pretty sure that they loved him, but that has been so long ago, long before he even realized that he has feelings for Renjun, long before Renjun realized that he has feelings for him too.

Has? Had?

Fuck, who even knows at this point? Donghyuck doesn't.

Whatever thoughts Renjun has about meeting Renjun's parents again are temporarily pushed to the back burner when the show begins. This night's about Jaemin, after all.

The play has been a success and they celebrated with Xuxi after that night. Everyone thinks that Renjun's cousin is a cool guy, and Donghyuck has to agree. He won't be surprised if he gets absorbed into their friend group too.

It's almost terrifying, he thinks, how natural it is for him and Renjun to pretend to be in a relationship. It's almost like instinct how he puts his arms around Renjun whenever Xuxi shares an embarrassing childhood story, how he lets Renjun bury his face in his chest when Xuxi reveals that he thought the moon was going to eat him if he stayed up too late.

Even if it's just pretend, even if it's not real, it feels so fucking good to be the source of comfort for Renjun. It's feels so fucking good to be someone's significant other.

If being in a relationship with Renjun is this good, he wonders why he was ever afraid of jumping into the abyss.

Donghyuck doesn't really like thinking so much about it, but it's something that will always haunt him for the rest of time. Xuxi doesn't know about their history and thankfully, their friend group hasn't divulged him with the information. Renjun's parents however, are a different story.

Speaking of Renjun's parents.

By now, hanging around at Renjun's place has been the norm. Jaemin is always at their place, and sometimes Jeno comes over too. Even though their apartment is indeed bigger, there is nothing like the privacy of a small room, just the two of them with all the time in the world.

But with such a small room, it's difficult to hide conversations.

He's basking in the after glow of an orgasm on Renjun's bed, his boxers pulled up haphazardly and Renjun's blanket thrown over him. Their intimate moment after sex is broken when Renjun's phone rings with a phone call from his mom, so Renjun hurriedly puts on his own boxers and answers the phone.

He almost had a heart attack, thinking that Renjun's mom is coming over, but with what he hears from the conversation—they just seem to be talking.

"Mom, what... he told you what?!" Renjun gasps, eyes blown wide as he stands by the kitchenette. Donghyuck rolls over to his side, looking at Renjun curiously.

Hearing one end of the conversation isn't enough, but with the look on Renjun's face, it's enough for him to feel the worry and anxiety too.

"You want to what... yeah... nope. That's not happening. No! I'm not going to do that. Kinda busy right now. I'll call you back, bye. Love you."

The phone call ends just as abruptly as it started, and in no time, Renjun is stomping his way back to the bed.

"Ugh," Renjun groans as he tosses the phone somewhere by the foot of the bed, "move, I'm going to go to sleep."

Donghyuck rolls over closer to the wall to allow space for Renjun to crawl into. Renjun settles next to him, curling up on himself while facing Donghyuck. Donghyuck has the decency to throw the blanket over Renjun's frame, pulling Renjun close for a cuddle.

"You want to talk about it? You sounded really stressed back there." He asks, careful not to cross any line but he's sure that he has toed over so many lines at this point of their relationship.

Renjun has his eyes closed, and if Donghyuck doesn't know any better, he would have thought that he's fast asleep. But Renjun always has trouble sleeping when he's upset, no matter how much he tries to sleep his upset off.

"Xuxi slipped up and told the entire family I’m dating someone. Now, my parents want to meet you as my boyfriend." Renjun says in one breathing, eyes still closed as if in slumber. "But you don't have to worry about it. I'll take care of it, it's not your problem.

Donghyuck swallows the lump in his throat and forces the hurt in his heart to go away. If Renjun doesn't want to talk about it further, then Donghyuck isn't going to prod. In the grand scheme of things when reality does knock at his head, he has no right to prod at all.

Still, he hugs Renjun tighter anyway. "Okay."

Renjun scooting closer to him provides some sort of a consolation, though.

He had hopes that Renjun would eventually come around to talking to him about it.

He doesn't.

But even though Renjun acts like it doesn't bother him, even though Renjun acts like it's not a big deal—Donghyuck knows it is. He feels that it is. It's so obvious with the way Renjun has been stressed about it in the past couple of days and he learns from Xuxi that his parents are coming over from China for the long weekend.

That's plenty enough time for Donghyuck to meet them, but he doesn't know how to talk to Renjun about it especially since he's being so elusive recently. He hasn't even hung out with him properly, they only meet during classes and Renjun excuses himself quickly saying that he has this and that to do. When questioned by his friends about Renjun's sudden change in mood, he doesn't even know how to answer them.

And Donghyuck has tried to reach out to him too. He has tried to ask, tried to coax him into opening up but Renjun changes the topic or hurriedly goes away to do another task that probably doesn't even exist.

It has been bothering Renjun, and with that, it has been bothering Donghyuck too.

And really, when Jaemin talks to him over leftovers one night, Donghyuck isn't surprised by it.

After all, Jaemin notices a lot of things.

"So," Jaemin begins the inevitable conversation as he sits next to Donghyuck on the sofa. They each have a bowl of kimchi fried rice, courtesy of Jaemin and Jaemin's mom's kimchi. Some variety show rerun is on their TV and it sets the perfect ambiance for a roommate heart to heart discussion. "Wanna talk about it?"

Donghyuck chews on a mouthful of fried rice. "It's a whole can of worms. Are _you_ sure you want to talk about it?"

Jaemin chuckles. "Oh baby, I've never been surer of anything in my life."

And with that permission, it's easy to let it all pour out like a dam.

"Renjun's parents want to meet me this weekend as his boyfriend. Renjun doesn't want me to meet them. I have a feeling that they've been asking Renjun for it all week that's why he's been so stressed... and when he's stressed, I'm stressed too."

Donghyuck gulps, reaches out for the cold water on the coffee table and chugs it down like it's beer. "But like? I don't understand why he doesn't want me to meet his parents. I mean... I'm scared as hell because they probably know what happened between me and Renjun but I'm sure it's going to be fine as long as we have each other, right?"

Jaemin nods his head in understanding, and Donghyuck notices that he hasn't even touched his food during the entirety of Donghyuck's rant. He seems to be lost in thought, so Donghyuck nudges him with knee and it jerks Jaemin back to him.

"So? What do you think should I do? Should I ask him? Should I just go and meet his parents myself?"

He feels so bad for lying, feels so bad for omitting the part where he knows that Renjun's apprehension to him meeting his parents must stem from him not wanting to lie to them. But at the same time, he needs some perspective on this dilemma.

Now that he thinks about it, it's his first relationship after all. He's not fully versed on how to grapple with obstacles such as this.

And again, Jaemin offered help anyway.

"Mhm, that's a lot." Jaemin comments unhelpfully. Donghyuck groans and nudges him again. Jaemin chuckles as he shakes his head.

"No. For real though, that could be a lot definitely. Since it's such a new relationship and introducing you to his parents can be a big deal, you know? If your parents asked to meet Renjun, you'd feel the nerves too, right?"

Donghyuck nods. He'd feel pretty fucking terrified if his parents asked to meet Renjun, but if that's the case, he's sure that he'll talk to Renjun about it. Isn't that the point of being in relationship with someone? Sharing fears and insecurities?

"Yeah... I'd be scared, but I would want to talk to him about it at least?"

"But we're all different. It can be a pretty big leap, y'know? Jeno hasn't even met my parents. I'm not Renjun, I can't tell you what he feels about it or how he wants to go about it. He's your boyfriend, so even if you're scared, I bet you that he's even more scared since it's his parents."

Jaemin pauses to eat a spoonful and Donghyuck waits with bated breath for what he's going to say next.

"For you though, I think that you being scared is valid too. I mean... that's their baby, after all? But Renjun likes you enough to be his boyfriend. I think that they're going to like you too. They liked you the last time you met them."

Donghyuck puts down the bowl of food on the coffee table. He leans back on the couch, hands raking through his hair as he tugs on it to relieve his headache. If he didn't foolishly reject Renjun before, then he won't be having any of this problem. If he had been brave enough, then he would have been happy with Renjun.

Is it really the time to dwell on his life's greatest regrets though?

"Ugh. I'm stupid. I shouldn't have rejected Renjun when I've loved him all this time."

Jaemin blinks. "Loved?"

The realization that he has said that out loud washes down on him like cold rain. Overwhelming.

Donghyuck doesn't even dare open his eyes to see whatever expression Jaemin is trying to school.

"Yeah... I loved him all this time, Jaemin."

Donghyuck repeats that in his head once, twice, thrice—it doesn't sound like a lie. It's not, and has never been a lie.

He always knew that he has always been in love with Renjun. In the end, it's just a matter of accepting it himself. The realization is fucking terrifying, the realization that he isn't saying it to better convince Jaemin of their little play. It's his reality, the line between their pretend and reality have long since blurred and now, Donghyuck's reality is dealing with the fact that he's in love with Renjun.

He has never been this frightened before.

Jaemin puts a hand over his knee and squeezes. He must have noticed that his knee has been bouncing in nervousness. "Damn, I always knew you liked him but—loved… Does he know?"

Donghyuck's heart is hammering in his chest, Jaemin's solid presence helps him to calm down a little. "He doesn't."

He finally talks to Renjun about it.

It's not the easiest conversation to have. Mostly since pinning Renjun down in one place is the hardest task. So, to solve that, Donghyuck waits outside of his apartment until he has arrived so Renjun has nowhere else to go. Of course, the waiting had been boring and Donghyuck got through so many levels of Homescapes before Renjun arrived but it's worth it.

As he has expected, Renjun doesn't want to lie to his parents but his parents have been insistent on meeting Donghyuck. Donghyuck understands that of course, neither does he want to lie but if this is going to cause Renjun so much stress, why don't they just face it together?

Renjun looks at him, eye contact never breaking since he offered up that suggestion. "But I don't want to make it hard on you. I... they... I need to sit down."

They sit down together on Renjun's bed, and somehow, Donghyuck has found Renjun's hands. He holds them tightly, assuring him that he's here and that he isn't going to leave whatever it is that he's going to say.

Renjun exhales, calms down enough so he can speak again. When Renjun looks up at him, his eyes are unwavering once more. "When you... uh... rejected me? I told them all about it. So, yeah, they think you became an asshole now. That's why I don't know how they'd treat you when you... if you ever meet them and I don't want to make this any harder for you than it already is."

Donghyuck kind of deserved that.

He doesn't blame Renjun at all that that is how he presented Donghyuck to him after that terrible disaster. He had been an asshole, truly. But he wants to make it up to them, wants to make it up to Renjun.

"I can't even blame you for that, honestly." Donghyuck says, his thumb running over Renjun's knuckles. "But if you can allow me... to make it up to them? I'll do my best. I promise. This thing has been stressing you out for so long and it's making me worried. Isn't it better if we just faced this problem together so that we can both get over it?"

Renjun raises his brow at him, but doesn’t pull his hands away from him. “What are you even getting out of this? My dad could kick your ass.”

Donghyuck laughs. “I know that. Contrary to popular belief, I _actually_ care about you, Renjun. And if me meeting your parents is going to solve your problem, even if your dad kicks my ass, that’s definitely fine by me.”

Renjun pries his hands away from Donghyuck this time, and Donghyuck lets him go without much fight. Groaning, Renjun lies down on his back on the bed, his arms folded over his eyes.

Donghyuck looks at Renjun pitifully. The dilemma has been weighing him down and he wants to do everything, _anything_ to soothe his stress. Even if it means… “It’s okay if you don’t want to do it though, or if you just want to make it seem like we broke up now so they don’t have to—”

“Let’s do it. Let’s meet my parents.”

“Oh…? Okay. Cool.”

Meeting Renjun’s parents is more nerve wracking than he thought.

Of course, when Renjun told him that they would be going over to their vacation house, Donghyuck had been terrified. He initially thought that it’d be a one-time dinner thing, not a full-blown long weekend vacation at Jeju. It’s an all-expense paid trip too so Donghyuck feels extra pressured.

Renjun asks him multiple times before, during and after the flight to Jeju if he wants to back down. All those times, he answers him with a resounding no. He’s already here, and Renjun has already told his parents that he’ll be bringing Donghyuck over. There’s no way he can back out now.

He doesn’t want to leave Renjun all alone, too.

When they arrive at the airport, Donghyuck can't help but let out a sigh of relief when he learns that Renjun's parents aren't going to be here yet. They're ushered to a cab that will take them to the vacation house.

It's safe to say that the ride to the house is eerily silent. The cab driver doesn't speak much to them, only turns the radio on. The song from a decade that Donghyuck doesn't remember fills the small compartment on the car. Beside him, Renjun's knees are bouncing in his anxiety.

Donghyuck picks up on this and places a hand on Renjun's knee. Steady, firm.

Renjun looks up at him, his knee stops bouncing and Renjun offers an appreciative smile. "Sorry," Renjun apologizes, running a hand through his hair, "just so nervous."

"Hey," Donghyuck says, turning over the hand on Renjun's knee so that it's an open palm—an invitation for Renjun to hold his hand. "It'll be okay. We got this. Fake it 'til you make it, right?"

Renjun laughs through his nose at the awful joke, but holds his hand nonetheless. "You're so fucking bad at jokes. Please don't ever open your mouth again."

"But it made you laugh."

"I guess it did."

The conversation ends after that, but they keep on holding hands until they get there. It doesn't really matter if their palms get clammy, as long as it provides Renjun comfort then he'll hold his hand for as long as he is able to. Renjun's solemnly looking out of the window, lost in thought, but the constant squeezes to Donghyuck's hand tells him that he's grateful that he's there.

Before the trip, Xuxi has come up to them to apologize profusely. He says he didn't mean to let it slip up, he just got excited talking about Renjun's play to his mom and he ended up talking about way too many details. In turn, Xuxi's mom tells Renjun's mom—and that's how they're here now.

They tell Xuxi it's okay, and that they're not mad. Donghyuck knows that Renjun isn't mad about it anymore, just gravely anxious because of how wrong everything can go over the weekend. But Donghyuck assures him that he'll be there with him whatever happens. The day they agreed to fake date was the day they decided to sign some sort of unspoken pact with each other.

To put it simply, it's a mutual understanding.

When they arrive to the vacation house, Donghyuck does his best to not allow his jaw to drop to the floor. It's fucking extravagant. There must be more than three floors here, and a caretaker who seems to be very close to Renjun greets them warmly.

He has a lot of questions which is, really, understandable because Renjun has never disclosed anything about this before. His parents, and even Xuxi doesn't look one bit different from everyone else. Then again, is there even a tell-tale sign of rich people? He wouldn't know.

Renjun doesn't act like it's anything out of the ordinary, because once they're settled into what appears to be Renjun's room, Renjun just proceeds with unpacking. It has a beautiful balcony, over-looking the well-kept garden.

There's a study table in the room, and Donghyuck pulls out the chair to sit down while Renjun quietly unpacks.

"The fuck? I didn't know you were loaded?"

Renjun glances up at him, then laughs. "No one does. I don't talk about it."

"You could've told me at least? I could've brought nicer clothes. What if your parents judged me because I was wearing a ratty t-shirt as a sleepwear?"

Renjun purses his lips and closes the luggage. He walks over to where Donghyuck is, and Donghyuck leans back when Renjun makes a move to sit on his lap, straddling him.

Donghyuck swallows visibly, fighting to keep eye contact as Renjun cups his cheeks.

They do this all the time, when all their clothes have been discarded, but Donghyuck still finds himself freaking out over casual intimacy. "Look, if my parents are going to judge something. It's not the clothes you wear. It's not a big deal, they don't care. They care about how you treat people. That's the most important thing."

Naturally, Donghyuck's arms wrap around Renjun's waist, pulling him closer as he grins up at him. "Right. So I just have to let them know I'm _hopelessly_ in love with you, right?"

Renjun freezes up at that, and even Donghyuck himself pauses when he realizes what he has just said. Renjun is quick to shake out of it though, the hand cupping his cheeks travels down to rest at the base of his throat.

"Shut up," Renjun tilts Donghyuck's head away from him with a push of his thumb against his jaw, "you might have me believing if you act too good."

With that, Renjun is leaving his lap—leaving him absolutely speechless at the revelation.

He doesn't even have enough time to fully register what Renjun told him because Renjun is calling him over to their luggage.

"Come help me unpack, they'll be here soon."

On the dot, Renjun's parents arrive at the vacation house.

They're in the living room, watching some old TV show with snacks that the house caretaker prepared for them. They're cuddling on the couch, Renjun's head resting against Donghyuck's shoulder when the main door opens and it reveals Renjun's parents.

Donghyuck gets a mini heart attack from how fast Renjun leaps out of his arms and bounds to his parents.

He stands up from the couch and watches the heartwarming sight unfold. Renjun isn't usually this affectionate to anyone (perhaps, other than Donghyuck in the recent times), so seeing him hug his parents in almost childlike glee is a sight that he'll remember forever.

He makes a mental note to call his parents later.

His mom asks him something in Chinese, then proceeds to pepper his face with kisses. Renjun laughs but allows his mom to kiss him, then turns to his dad to give him a big hug. Renjun's parents have always been so lovely, to him and to their friends, he wonders how they'll take him being here.

After all, they asked him to be here, didn't they? Plus, they're the loveliest people Donghyuck has ever seen. He's still terrified, though.

"Wait," Renjun pulls away after hugging his parents again, "um... Donghyuck is here." Renjun turns to him and beckons him over.

Shyly, with his hands folded over each other in front of him, Donghyuck shuffles over to them and greets Renjun's parents with a full ninety-degree bow. Best attitude. "Hi, nice to meet you. I hope your trip was alright?"

The pin drop silence as they stare at him is deafening. He feels as if every nerve on his body is tingling with sensations, his heart has picked up its pace—but when Renjun's mom smiles and comes up to him with her arms open wide for a huge hug... he knows everything is going to be okay.

"Oh! Hyuckie, it has been so long! I'm so happy you're here! I'm so happy you're dating Junjun!" Renjun's mother hugs him so tightly that he feels like all of his broken pieces came back together until he's whole again.

Donghyuck chuckles as he hugs her back promptly. "I'm really happy I'm dating him too."

Those words don't sound like a lie to him anymore, and when he locks eyes with Renjun over his mother's shoulders, he wonders if his words sound like that to him too.

When Renjun's mom pulls away, he's quite unsure how to greet his dad, whose expression has changed from fondness to a stare cold as steel. He understands the apprehension, really.

Politely, Donghyuck just bows at him and smiles. Even if the smile isn't returned.

Renjun notices, breaks the silence to save Donghyuck's ass. He really feels like he's going to get mauled somehow but the soothing pats on his back from Renjun's mom help a little.

"Right! So, we have snacks here... I'm sure you guys are exhausted! Let me help you unpack!"

Renjun's dad nods. "Yeah, we better unpack."

Donghyuck has never known a relief greater than when Renjun's dad finally stops glaring at him.

Donghyuck ends up cooking with Renjun's mom in the kitchen.

Renjun is upstairs, helping his dad unpack their luggage and probably having a deep conversation regarding his relationship with him. He doesn't complain though, he really likes Renjun's mom—she's warm and inviting, reminds him a little bit of his own mom except his mom doesn't let him near the kitchen when she cooks.

Renjun's mom is stirring the pot of boiling hot soup while Donghyuck is on the other end of the counter, chopping vegetables to add into the stew. He's been working silently by himself, but Renjun's mom asks questions as they work.

"How long have you been dating Renjun? If Xuxi didn't accidentally tell his mom, we wouldn't have known—Renjun's been secretive since... you know..." She gestures vaguely, waving her ladle around and Donghyuck can't even look at her.

He knows what he means. Renjun has indeed changed since that failed confession but he didn't expect that he'd change with his family too.

"Sorry," Donghyuck mumbles under his breath, feels like an apology is needed in the air around them, "um, we have been dating for a couple of weeks..."

Renjun's mom smiles and waves her ladle around again. "Don't say sorry, you're dating him now and that's all that matters! He cried a lot when... that happened. I'm really happy for him, for the both of you. He looks like he's never been happier and healthier, thank you for taking care of our son, Hyuckie."

Donghyuck's hand stutters as he's holding the knife that he had to put it down for his own safety. Renjun's mom tilts her head at him, confused at what had happened.

"Are you okay, Hyuckie?" She asks, turning off the stove and walking over to him.

Donghyuck nods and forces out a smile. Renjun _cried_ to his parents about him. The realization is dumped on him so hard that he knows it's all he's going to think about for the rest of the weekend. He wants to do nothing but come up to Renjun now and just give him the biggest hug—tell him everything, confess to him, _potentially ruin whatever it is that they have._

"Fine, auntie. Just... he really cried? I'm so sorry for making him cry—I promise not to make him cry anymore."

She smiles at him, patting his arm. Donghyuck now knows where Renjun gets the half moon eye smiles. "It's okay, he did cry. But that's normal, isn't it? I trust you, Hyuckie. Don't make him cry anymore okay? Promise to love him as much as he loves you, okay?"

_Renjun loves him._

Donghyuck swallows dryly. "I... I promise."

"Good, now give me those vegetables because this stew isn't going to cook itself."

_Renjun loves him._

Lunch with Renjun’s family has been pleasant. They eat the hot meal that Renjun's mom prepared with Donghyuck's help. After unpacking, Renjun's dad seems to be slightly less apprehensive of him. Only now, he pretends that he doesn't exist.

He doesn't know if that's better, really.

After lunch, they gather around the patio where Renjun's mom gives them gifts and trinkets from Jilin. She even has gifts for the rest of their friend group. Donghyuck promises to keep them safe and deliver them well.

They catch up, talk. And like they expected, Renjun's parents have a lot of questions about their relationship. Mostly it's Renjun's mom continuing the little discussion they had in the kitchen while cooking. And it's mostly just Renjun begging his mom to not speak about _that_ time but nothing really stops Renjun's mom.

"What! Why are you so embarrassed about having feelings?" She asks, bringing up the teacup to her lips. "That was an intense part of your life and you shouldn't be afraid to talk about it! It's what makes a relationship strong, you know? Communication. You always have to talk about how you feel. Not just for the sake of talking about it, but because you want the other person to truly understand you. Isn't that right, Dad?"

She nudges Renjun's dad with her elbow, looking up at him with an enamored stare. His dad grunts around his coffee mug, then sets it down on the table in front of him. "It is." He states simply.

Renjun looks at Donghyuck with a small smile, which Donghyuck returns promptly.

Whenever he looks at Renjun know, he just thinks of what Renjun's mom had told him.

He shakes it off anyway. Tries to shake it off, at least.

Right now, he can't be distracted thinking about _feelings_ when Renjun's dad is here scrutinizing his every movement. He knows it's going to take a while for Renjun's dad to warm up to him. And, really, Donghyuck is willing to do anything. If he has already won back Renjun's mom, he's sure that he can win back his dad too.

Renjun opens the perfect opportunity by suggesting they play a game of charades.

Renjun orchestrated the game so that somehow, Donghyuck is paired with Renjun's dad. It's not a surprise that Renjun chose this game, Donghyuck is a _pro_ at charades.

His dad grumbles a little when he learns that he's suddenly paired with Donghyuck. But Donghyuck tells him he's excited and promises that he's very good at this and he can defeat Renjun in anything. There's an excited, almost impressed, hum from Renjun's dad at his words and Renjun isn't even denying that.

He has a good feeling about this.

It's Renjun's turn first. His mom volunteers to act out the words, and with Renjun's really horrible guessing work and Renjun's mom trying her very best to act words like "dinosaur" and "orange", it makes for a very funny sight. For the first time that day, Donghyuck feels completely light—the pressure of impressing Renjun's parents has dwindled down now. Even Renjun's dad is laughing at the sight of his wife trying to act out the words and Renjun failing so horribly.

"I think we can win this one." Renjun's dad says, clapping him on the back as he laughs. Now, Donghyuck knows where Renjun gets the competitiveness.

"Oh, we can definitely with this one, Uncle. Do you want to act or should I? I'm fine with anything." He says, mustering every ounce of confidence left in him. He realizes that this is the first conversation he's had with him, and Renjun's dad even started it. Nothing gets him giddier than the sweet taste of victory and getting on Renjun's dad's good side.

Renjun's dad laughs. "You act, I guess. I'm very good at guessing. Junjun chose the wrong game."

Donghyuck nods in agreement. He doesn't think that Renjun chose the wrong game though, instead, he thinks Renjun chose the game that would be most in favor of him.

The alarm dings, signifying the end of their turn and Renjun groans, running both of his hands through his hair. "Mom! What does _this_ even mean?!" Renjun acts out what his mom is doing, something with his hands in the air and swinging around.

Renjun's mom laughs, then reached out to pinch him on the cheeks. "The word was bamboo! How can you not guess it's bamboo?!"

They get into a small argument by themselves, which Renjun finds really cute—it really looks like two of Renjun fighting with each other. Renjun's dad breaks their little argument up, but Renjun lets his mom win by apologizing and hugging her—saying they'll beat them for sure on the next game.

"Okay, enough. It's our turn. Let's play." Renjun's dad announces, and Donghyuck exhales. He even exaggerates his stretches for the comedic effect, and it's effective to have the entire family laughing.

Renjun smiles at him, then shakes his head. That's a look that says more than enough. It's enough assurance to keep doing what he's doing.

Their round starts, and Donghyuck gets the word "notebook". He acts it out well, imitating the act of writing on a piece of paper and not even two seconds later, Renjun's dad exclaims. "Notebook!"

Donghyuck claps his hand once in celebration, then proceeds by picking out the next word and promptly acting it out. Quickly as he acts them out, Renjun's dad guesses them too.

The rest of their round goes on like that. Donghyuck acts, then Renjun's dad guesses them successfully. Renjun's mom has stopped whining and has gone into the kitchen to prepare them some snacks.

"Ah!" Renjun blurts out when the alarm dings, signifying the end of their round. "It's over! Fine, you guys won!"

Renjun's dad laughs, walking over to Donghyuck to give him a high five. "You did well, Hyuck."

Donghyuck almost combusts into tears at that. Why does it feel even better than any validation from his own father?

Donghyuck accepts the high five, and then transforms it into some awkward form of a bro hug with Renjun's dad. He hears Renjun snicker from behind them, so he glares at him, not wanting to be embarrassed.

Renjun's dad pulls away awkwardly, smiling at him then reaches out to pat him on the head as he exits back into the house.

When he's out of earshot, Donghyuck whisper yells as he practically flings himself at Renjun in a tight hug. "Oh my god, did you see that! He likes me!"

Renjun's chest vibrates against Donghyuck's as his laughter escapes from him. Donghyuck is laughing now too, collapsing into Renjun's arms as he holds him up. Somehow, it feels like the most difficult part of the weekend is already over. It feels like he can breathe again.

Renjun pulls away from him, only enough to look him in the eye but they're still connected in a half hug nonetheless. Donghyuck beams at him, tilts his head to the side and waits for whatever it is that Renjun has to say. "Hm?"

"Thank you. Thank you for doing your best. I'm really happy that you're here." Renjun says sincerely, his eyes shining as Donghyuck looks into them. There's a strong pang of emotion that overwhelms Donghyuck, and he knows that this is _real._ It's like an electricity that runs up from the base of his neck down to the tips of his toes. So very real, so very present.

Donghyuck lifts a hand to cup Renjun's cheek. Renjun leans against his palm, and his instinct tells him to go and kiss him. And really, with Renjun looking this _inviting_ and this _happy_ in front of him, who is he to deny his instincts?

"I can do anything for you." He says, words barely above a whisper, afraid of it sounding so much like a confession. He knows he's allowed to do this, allowed to breach into Renjun's personal space and capture his lips into a kiss, but still, he asks permission.

The moment is so tender he feels like he can break. "Can I kiss you?"

Renjun blinks for a second, then swallows visibly. "Fuck," he curses under his breath as he erupts into giggles, "you don't have to ask for permission, dummy."

Then, Renjun grabs the back of his neck, pulling him forward into a kiss right in the middle of their patio.

The kiss is quick, just a slight press of lips against lips because they know that Renjun's parents might walk back into the garden any moment now. But still, it's a kiss that lights a fire in Donghyuck. It feels much different from their other kisses that had been guided by lust and passion, it's so fucking tender that Donghyuck thinks it's real. They're kissing because they're happy, they're kissing because they like each other.

When Renjun pulls away, he pushes Donghyuck away playfully and runs back into the house.

Watching Renjun's retreating back, Donghyuck realizes something.

It's a scary realization, one that he isn't fully sure if he can dwell on for now but in this moment, he thinks back to that conversation with Jaemin. About how he realized that he may still love Renjun after all this time, only know, he wants to tell Renjun he loves him.

In the midst of all this lie, Donghyuck wants to tell Renjun the truth... he is in love with him.

When the nighttime comes, Donghyuck assumes he'll be sleeping in another room, as they're staying with Renjun's parents too. He has been given a brief tour of the vacation house by Renjun's mom too so he knows that there are other rooms. But when he asks Renjun about him, he gives him the biggest puppy eyes, asking him—"you don't want to sleep with me?"

After all, Donghyuck has a rocky history when it comes to saying no to Renjun. These days, he just can't seem to tell him no.

Now, here he is, in his ratty t-shirt and old boxers tucked next to Renjun in bed. Dinner had been amazing and plentiful, but Renjun's parents were out of commission for the rest of the night because their neighbors invited them over for wine night to celebrate their return. Apparently, they're pretty influential in the neighborhood—Donghyuck doesn't find himself surprised by that.

The balcony that adjoins Renjun's room allows the moonlight to filter into the room. It paints a pretty picture against the walls, but it paints an even prettier picture as it reflects itself on Renjun's face.

He's lying on his side, facing Renjun as they have their arms over each other. Renjun has his eyes closed, and only the sound of cicadas can be heard in the emptiness of the room. He knows Renjun isn't asleep yet, because his eyes are moving around under his eyelids and he _knows_ that Donghyuck is staring at him.

Renjun's so beautiful. Can one even blame him for looking this much?

"Renjun," he calls out softly, raising a hand to tuck a stray strand of hair away from Renjun's face. He doesn't really know what to talk about, but since that realization in the garden, there's nothing else that Donghyuck has been thinking about.

He wants to confess to Renjun, wants to end all the pretending and make everything real. Wouldn't that be easier?

It won't... not really.

Renjun hums lowly in response, scooting closer to him with their legs tangled underneath the sheets.

_Say it now. Say it now._

"Your mom told me something while we were cooking in the kitchen and... I just... don't know... I've been thinking about it? Do you think we can talk about it now?"

Renjun pries one eye open to look at him, then closes it again to nuzzle further against Donghyuck. "Depends on what she said."

"Well. She said two things."

This time, Renjun fully opens his eyes and pulls back a little. "Two things?" Renjun asks, moving around so that he's sitting up on the bed now. Donghyuck mirrors his actions, folding his legs over the other so that he can still maintain proximity with Renjun even when sitting.

He can hear the gears in Renjun's brain turning, a thousand thoughts per minute entering and leaving his brain at Donghyuck's revelation.

"Donghyuck, what did she tell you?" The air around them is thick now, suddenly serious. If he is in Renjun's position, he'll be on edge too. However, he isn't even in Renjun's position _yet_ he feels just on edge as he is.

He doesn't really know how to break it to him.

Donghyuck picks at the blanket over them. "She told me you cried over... you know, the thing in the past."

Renjun exhales through his nose, obviously relieved. "God, I thought she said—nevermind, yeah. I did cry over you, does that make you feel cocky?" Renjun whacks him with his pillow playfully, picking up the mood as he fills the room with laughter.

Donghyuck catches the pillow and tucks it under his arms. "No! I feel like shit for making you cry. I... I feel really guilty, and bad—so... I want to say sorry for all that. You know?"

"Sorry for not having feelings for me?" Renjun says it so bluntly, but it feels like someone stabbed him with a sharp knife.

Donghyuck exhales. Now is the moment—he just has to tell him, just has to apologize and let him know that he has had feelings for him all this time. That he's so fucking in love with him that none of the things they're doing feels like it's pretend anymore.

"I'm sorry for being stupid, and a coward."

Renjun raises a brow, then laughs. "What are you even talking about? You rejected me because you didn't have feelings for me. It's fine. I got over it. It's not your fault that you don't see me in that way."

_But that's not the whole truth._

"And, I'm really glad we're friends again now. Despite the circumstances being weird as hell, right? But the situation helped us go back to normal? Maybe. I'm really happy it turned out like this. Somehow."

Donghyuck nods. He can't argue with Renjun regarding that. The odd situation that forced them to be in constant proximity and connection with each other has made them move past that weird part of their relationship.

Still.

It's not what Donghyuck wants.

"Your mom also told me you loved me. Is that true?"

All the mirth from Renjun's face is drained when Donghyuck lets those words out into the air.

Renjun laughs nervously, scratching his cheek as he hugs a pillow closer to him. He tucks his chin over it, pursing his lips as his laughter dies down.

Donghyuck always knew that in one way or another, they'll have to talk about it. He knew that it will always be this hard, this awkward and this dangerous to trudge but it's a conversation that they must have. No matter how hard it may be.

It can provide them the closure that they've always needed, and perhaps allow them to open doors into new situations.

It just depends on how well they're going to handle this conversation now. The moment is so fragile, one mistake can break it all so Donghyuck allows Renjun to speak first.

"Of course... I loved you. You were my friend then, you were so nice to me and we got along so well. Your humor was the same as mine, you liked the same things as I did. You literally lit up the room whenever you enter which—I know sounds so fucking cheesy but it's true. So yeah, I loved you. I fell for you pretty hard." Renjun lets out an awkward laugh, pushing his hair back as he tries to get his words out.

Donghyuck smiles softly, encouraging him. He gets reminded of the the time Renjun told him this, he gets reminded of the immense panic he had and the world-shattering fear he had thinking of _what ifs_ if he accepted Renjun's confession.

Now's the time to tell him.

"But! I moved on from that. You know? I'm sorry for treating you like shit after that confession but honestly... being mean to you and pretending you didn't exist was the only way I thought we can remain in each other's lives. And you kind of went along with it? So?" Renjun continues, shrugging his shoulders.

"I'm sorry too..." Donghyuck apologizes, staring down at this lap. "I just... I wasn't really ready for a relationship then... so I kind of panicked? Didn't know what to do. Sorry for saying it so bluntly like that."

Renjun laughs fully now, hitting Donghyuck with the pillow again. "You told me that you don't like me like that and then ran away! If you told me that you weren't ready for a relationship, I would have taken it better! Why are you such a loser!"

Donghyuck doesn't deflect the hits from Renjun, he probably deserves that. "I don't know!" He hides against his laughter. Thinking about it, he's thankful that they're dealing with this conversation with a lighthearted mood. If there were tears instead, he doesn't know if he can handle it.

"Sometimes, I think, what if I didn't act like that? What if I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship? Do you think we would still have that phase of... I don't know, disliking each other?"

Renjun lies back down on the bed, facing Donghyuck as he hugs the pillow closer to him. "Probably not. I would have probably tried to woo you or something until you were ready to date someone. I would have "

Donghyuck snorts. "You did _woo_ me. Look, I'm your boyfriend now." He moves closer to Renjun but doesn't lie back down. From this angle, the moonlight perfectly frames Renjun's face. He can't help but think of how much he looks like an angel.

Renjun rolls his eyes. "It's fake though. We moved past all that, didn't we? I don't think I'm just... in that part of my life where I can date seriously. So... what we have... is good. Isn't it? But... if you want to end it—"

"No!" Donghyuck denies immediately, putting his hand over Renjun's mouth. Renjun licks his palm, and Donghyuck yells, wiping it over his shirt.

Renjun doesn't want to date seriously now because of that experience, and yet, he wants to continue fake dating Donghyuck.

What does he even make of that?

He really needs to think this over before it blows up in his face, just like everything else did in the past.

"Then! What do you want? You're making me anxious thinking you wanna tell my parents that it's not real and that you don't love me like this—"

"No," Donghyuck interjects, "sorry for making you anxious... I just... wanted to apologize for everything. Put all that behind us. Closure."

Renjun smiles softly, grabs him by his wrist and pulls him down to rest on the bed next to him. Donghyuck allows himself to be pulled down.

"Okay. No hard feelings. From now on, all that is in the past. We cleared everything that happened. It's okay now." Renjun assures him, a gentle hand carding through his hair, tucking it behind his ear.

Donghyuck leans against the touch, immediately comforted by the gesture.

"But is this situation okay with you?" Donghyuck dares to ask. After all, the situation is unique. They don't think there's really a label adequate enough to describe them. A label is not a requirement, but Donghyuck just wants to make sure they're on the same page.

"What do you mean?" Renjun asks.

"Everyone thinking that we're dating when we aren't?" Donghyuck attempts at elaborating his point a little bit.

Renjun pauses for a second, "I'm okay with it since you're okay with it." He tells him, like it's common knowledge—like it's something that Donghyuck should know like the back of his hand.

Donghyuck closes his eyes this time, allows his restless heart to rest. "Okay." He says with finality. "As long as we're okay with it."

Silence fills the room again, and Donghyuck can't hear anything but the sound of Renjun's steady breathing. Then, he feels the bed shift underneath them. "If anything is making you feel uncomfortable, feel free to tell me anytime." Renjun whispers softly and Donghyuck hums in agreement.

The bed dips again, Donghyuck figures that Renjun must be sitting up now from how he displaced himself from the lying down position. He feels Renjun move near him, then, there's a warm pair of lips pressed against his forehead.

Donghyuck's eyes flutter open, blinking up to look at Renjun who looks just as surprised as he is at the action.

If this is still fake, he doesn't know what even is real anymore. He knows they're friends with benefits, but does the benefit involve such tenderness? But it makes Donghyuck's heart swell, no matter how foolish it is—it's something that he enjoys, something that he knows he can only receive when the situation is like this.

He doesn't complain.

"Yeah, that is definitely fine with me. Do that more."

Renjun runs his hand over Donghyuck's face, effectively closing his eyes again as he settles back down for bed. "That's noted. Just go to sleep for now and stop thinking so much."

Donghyuck does just that. "Copy."

His restless heart may not have found a complete rest, but with Renjun holding him like this, it sure is enough for him to pause and take a break.

He hasn't said what he wanted to, but now, at least that that chapter of their lives has been officially closed. At least now, they can proceed without their past weighing them down.

Although there is still so much left to unpack and talk about, Donghyuck feels much lighter now. He feels better now.

With Renjun tucked in his arms like this, it's the best sleep that Donghyuck has had in weeks.

The next morning starts out late. Renjun's parents apparently came home last night later than they planned and ended up drinking way too much wine with the neighbors. It's a celebration for _them_ after all, Donghyuck doesn't blame them for going a little too wild on the cocktails last night.

They're supposed to stroll around the town for a while, shopping for food and trinkets to take back home for their family there but they're unfortunately hungover. Renjun thinks it's hilarious that he's helping his parents nurse their hangovers and it isn't him on the short end of the stick this time.

Since his parents are still nursing their hangovers ("You shouldn't have drunk so much!" Renjun's voice still echoes in his brain), Renjun and Donghyuck are tasked with dropping by the local market to buy the goodies in their long list.

Renjun is grumbling all the way to the marketplace, but Donghyuck holds his hand all the way there and he doesn't hear too much complaints after that.

"I still can't believe my parents got shitfaced drunk on the one weekend we can spend together." Renjun whines when they enter the marketplace. He has a big tote bag over his shoulders, while Donghyuck has the list in his free hand that isn't holding Renjun's hand.

"At least they had fun? They seemed to be really giggly when they got home according to caretaker auntie." Donghyuck tries to make Renjun feel better. Now that he thinks about it, that kind of reminds him of Renjun being drunk. He giggles a lot, tries to kiss a lot of people and is generally a bustling ball of energy.

Renjun laughs. "Yeah, they get really loud when they're drunk but they have fun with each other. I'm surprised they didn't wake us up for another round of shots, really."

Renjun leads him to a stall and grabs the list of paper from him. "I guess you're right. They had fun. That's the most important thing. I just wanted to spend time with them where they aren't shitfaced. Instead, I'm doing chores!"

"Aw, and does the baby hate doing chores?" Donghyuck teases, smirking at Renjun at the pet name.

Renjun opens his mouth to agree, but closes it when he realizes what Donghyuck has just called him. "You're _insufferable,_ Donghyuck." He says, aiming his fist at him but Donghyuck catches it in his hand and beams at him.

"Come on, these groceries aren't going to buy themselves. Why do your parents need so much stuff to bring back home anyway?"

Renjun then goes on to explain how his parents like giving family and friends back home little trinkets whenever they go abroad for a vacation. And it seems like it's something that they do quite often.

As they scour the marketplace for the things on the list, Renjun tells him about his parents' vacation antics. It doesn't really surprise him that Renjun is this adventurous and effervescent when the people who made him are exactly like that too.

They end up returning back to the vacation house in the afternoon. They're both hungry and tired, and they want nothing more than to just eat and shower. Though, going down the nearby beach seems like a good idea, they're both starving and tired from the amount of merchandise they needed to carry back into the house.

They're discussing about having to order food because his parents are definitely still passed out from their hangover and they didn't want to bother the caretaker auntie when they get welcomed back into the house with the distinct smell of malatang filling the entire living room.

"What?" Renjun asks when he steps inside the house, discarding his shoes immediately at the familiar smell of his favorite food. Donghyuck follows suit, hauling their groceries with him because Renjun dropped it the moment the malatang greeted him with a big smack to the head.

What they're greeted with in the middle of the living room are Renjun's parents with an elaborate hotpot set up in the middle of the room. Renjun's mom looks better than she did this morning, and Renjun's dad is busily putting ingredients into the pot, taking the task seriously.

"When did you guys even prepare this?" Renjun asks in disbelief, his lips tugging up into a smile as he sinks down next to his mom.

Donghyuck stands there awkwardly, until Renjun's dad recognizes his presence and beckons him over to sit next to him. He follows obediently, leaving their haul by the sofa.

"We already prepared this beforehand! We asked the caretaker auntie to buy this all before you guys got here. Now's the perfect timing for it, isn't it?" Renjun's mom says with a small smile.

Renjun is suspicious though. "Or, you just wanted to eat hotpot because you're still hungover?"

She giggles. "And that too! But it's your favorite, and we haven't had hotpot in such a long time. Plus, Hyuckie is here. He deserves to have a taste of your dad's perfect hotpot mix."

Donghyuck looks at Renjun at that, a small smile shared between them.

Renjun's dad is still focused on cooking. He knows now that he is warmer than he appears, and Donghyuck knows that one day, he'll be able to see the side of him that Renjun fondly talks about, but now, he figures that h

He's fine with just this.

"Right! Dad makes the best hotpot, I'm sure you'll love it." He hears Renjun says and he agrees wholeheartedly.

"I'm really looking forward to it."

From next to him, Renjun's dad smiles just a little.

The rest of the weekend goes by like that, with them eating altogether and Renjun's parents telling him things about Renjun that he'll remember for the days to come. If befriending Xuxi gave him new information about Renjun's childhood, spending an entire weekend with Renjun's parents in their vacation house gifted him with something new entirely.

He comes back from the long weekend with the knowledge to Renjun's favorite childhood shows, how he cried a lot when he was a kid (teasingly, Donghyuck says he still cries a lot these days), how he always wanted to play outside with the neighborhood kids but always ended up going to dance practice with his grandmother and her friends. Renjun's life is so vibrant, that Donghyuck is so surprised that he keeps learning every new thing each time he spends a moment with his parents.

For sure, neither Renjun nor Donghyuck will forget the weekend that they had.

It's healing, being far away from university for a little bit, but everything good always ends too soon and before they know it, they're sending Renjun's parents to the airport for their flight back home.

The sight is touching, but this time, Donghyuck doesn't feel like he's intruding. Renjun is hugging his mom really tight, his dad hovering around them as he waits for his own hug. When it comes and Renjun hugs him, Renjun speaks. "I'll visit home soon for the holidays, okay?"

"You better! Your grandparents miss you a lot. You can bring Hyuckie home if you want to. That'd be alright, right, Dad?"

Donghyuck's eyes go wide at the suggestion. It's one thing to meet his parents, but it's another thing to travel overseas to meet the _rest_ of his family. Will Donghyuck be ready for that? Will they still be fake dating at the end of the year?

He hopes not. At least he would have had earned the courage to ask Renjun to date him for real by the time.

Renjun's dad doesn't disagree. "You can bring him home, your cousins would love him."

Renjun snorts. "Oh, for sure. They'll have fun bullying him. Xuxi's the only one who likes him, probably."

"Hey!" He interjects. "What does that even mean?"

Renjun laughs as he goes over to his side, giving him a side hug as his parents gather their luggage. "Nothing! They're just very feisty people. Xuxi is my kindest cousin. Actually, he is _the_ kindest relative."

Donghyuck feels that slight tinge of fear settle in him because of how Renjun is describing his family but with how lovely his parents have been, with how lovely Renjun is, he doesn't think it can be really that bad.

Before his mother gets too into exposing the family secrets to Donghyuck in the airport, they bid their goodbyes and Renjun hugs them one last time. Renjun's mom also gives him a hug and makes him promise to take care of Renjun in a hushed whisper.

Donghyuck promises it from the bottom of his heart.

They wave them off as they walk into their boarding gate. Renjun's hugging him from the side, and he has that look of slight longing in his face as he watches his parents leave.

"Is it hard seeing them leave all the time?"

"Nope, I just got used to it." Renjun replies, pulling away from him. "I always know I'll get to see them soon anyway."

Donghyuck nods in understanding. For him, his parents are only one bus ride away but he still has trouble finding time to meet them. Maybe he'll go home next weekend and hangout with his siblings. Maybe, he can bring Renjun along too.

"We still have a few hours before our flight. Do you wanna go sightseeing or something?" Donghyuck asks curiously as they walk out of the airport and to their awaiting cab.

Renjun turns to him with a mischievous smile, before Renjun can even tell him what the wants to do—Donghyuck already has an inkling of whatever is going to come out of Renjun's mouth.

Renjun opens the cab door for him, then pulls him in just enough to whisper in his ear.

"Wanna fuck on the living room couch?"

The weeks after their vacation with Renjun's parents have been a blur. Their exams are back to kicking their asses, the study sessions with their friends are back in full force and it's just work on top of more work.

After such a healing weekend, Donghyuck doesn't expect to be so immediately drained after it. In fact, they've been so busy trying to catch up with the demands of their academic life that he hasn't really hung out properly with Renjun in a while.

Given that they're _still_ just fake dating and are friends with benefits, he's just gotten so used to spending his free time with Renjun that spending it away from him is so odd now. He understands though, because he too has been so busy.

Still, that doesn't change the fact that he misses him.

It's all worth it in the end though, because once the weekend comes after their Hell Week, Jaemin asks them to go on a night out to wind down and hang out properly. They all immediately agree to it, the group chat the most alive it has been in weeks.

Yangyang promises to bring Hendery, the boy he has been seeing, and they don't really oppose that idea. Yangyang has only talked about him in passing but they have never met him so it's safe to say that the group is excited. Renjun also invites Xuxi because they all missed him. It's been so long since they've had Xuxi around too.

Donghyuck is excited for the party, it's been so long since they last went out to drink and it's even the same club where he and Renjun first... _got together._ Thinking about it now, it feels so long ago and it feels like he has been dating Renjun for years when it's only been some months now.

On the other hand, it's amazing how they've kept up with the lie for this long.

Donghyuck gets reminded _how_ when Renjun calls him over to go to his place a few hours before their meeting time.

When Donghyuck tells Jaemin about it on their way out, Jaemin pouts, but reminds him to not do anything he wouldn't do and get to the club on time so they can all have fun together. Donghyuck doesn't make any promises.

Who knows what Renjun is up to anyway?

Renjun tells him through a text message to just enter when he gets there, and so he does. When he enters, there's Renjun in the middle of the room, halfway to undress as he gets his shirt stuck around his head.

Donghyuck swallows.

"Donghyuck, is that you?" Renjun asks as he tugs the material off of his head.

Donghyuck closes the door behind him, allows his eyes to wander. Renjun knows what he's doing. He's almost in disbelief at how he's pulling this right before they have to meet their friends for a night out.

"Who else could it be?" He says, closing the door behind him and stepping into Renjun's space. He places his hands on his bare waist, grinning at him when Renjun frowns.

"What are you doing?" Renjun asks, feigning innocence with a raise of his brow.

Donghyuck gasps. "What? You're telling me you asked me to come here just so you can ask me what shirt you should wear for tonight?"

Truthfully, Donghyuck dressed up a little bit tonight. It's been so long since he's had the opportunity too and, well, who's going to sue him if he wants to look good for Renjun?

He's wearing a navy-blue button up, tucked smartly into his ripped denim jeans. The boots that he hasn't worn in a long time ties the outfit together. And, from Jaemin's kind advice earlier, he has unbuttoned the first two buttons of his shirt too.

He knows that Renjun is looking at him as much he's looking at Renjun.

"Maybe?" Renjun teases, pushes him away by his chest and walks back to where his shirts are laid out on the bed. "Choose for me."

Donghyuck shakes his head, laughing. "Fine, let me see." He walks over to where Renjun is, a hand resting idly on the small of Renjun's back as he scans through the shirts that Renjun has picked out from his closet.

Renjun waits for his opinion. And if it's according to him, he thinks that Renjun will fit any of the shirts he has laid out, but really—there's this one answer that's just begging for him to say it.

He has an intense gut feeling that it's the answer Renjun is waiting for him to say too.

"I think I like you the best shirtless though."

"Donghyuck," Renjun turns to look at him with a frown, Donghyuck can't even find it in himself to feel guilty when a ghost of a smile is beginning to form on Renjun's lips. "You know me too well."

Renjun then tugs him forward by the collar of his shirt, lips brushing but it's barely a kiss. Donghyuck smirks.

"You missed me?" He asks, the hand on the small of Renjun's back rubbing soothing lines against his skin.

Renjun scoffs, pulls him closer against him. "Unfortunately."

Renjun has a way with communicating non-verbally, it's just a language that Donghuck has gotten to learn within the past few months. He's not very good with addressing with how really feels, and really, neither of them are—but when it gets to touches and actions and words that mean more than they seem... Donghyuck and Renjun understand each other better in this way.

So, when Renjun kisses him and makes him sit on his bed, away from the neatly pressed shirts—Donghyuck understands that he's saying he misses him. He understands that he's saying that it's been a hard week and that he's glad he's here with him now.

Just like that, with each other, all the exhaustion for the week has been washed away.

They're so lost in each other, that if Jaemin did not give them a phone call to make sure that they weren't fucking, they would have forgotten about the party entirely.

Truthfully, he kind of wishes they have forgotten about the night out entirely.

Renjun ends up choosing a plain white shirt, tossing a jacket over it to complete the look. It's so bare minimum, yet Donghyuck thinks he still looks good as hell in it.

This is how they’ve kept up with the lie for so long—because it hasn’t been a lie for a while now. When they arrive, their friends have gathered together in a booth. And when Xuxi greets them with a bottle of beer each, he knows that it's going to be a very long night.

He finds himself alone with Renjun again in their booth. It gives him some form of a drunken deja vu. Jeno and Jaemin have gone dancing in the middle of the floor, Yangyang has dragged Hendery with him to get more drinks and from where they are, Donghyuck can see Xuxi conversing with a bunch of strangers.

They've been drinking for hours. They played a lot of drinking games and danced to the songs played as if no one is watching. It's the most fun he's had in weeks, well deserved after a long time of suffering. Donghyuck is drunk—properly drunk. All of their friends are in various stages of drunkenness too, and even Renjun is drunk as hell.

Because now, Renjun is lying on the booth seat, his head in Donghyuck's lap while Donghyuck tries to finish the drink in front of him.

"Donghyuck-ah," Renjun mumbles from his where he's lying down on Donghyuck's lap. Donghyuck has to pull away from the table to look at Renjun.

The world is spinning. He's really drunk. He doesn't even know if he's going to make sense.

"Yeah?" He asks, looking down at Renjun as he cups his cheeks with a hand.

Renjun has his eyes closed, not even looking at him but he listens to him intently.

The music is loud and the lights are dizzying, but he focuses solely on the shape of Renjun's face, the slope of his nose and the edges of his lips. His hand pets Renjun's hair, smoothing down the sides where it has been mussed up from partying. With his senses focused on Renjun, the world seems clearer this way.

"Can I ask you something?" Renjun's voice is soft when he speaks, that Donghyuck has to lean forward to be able to hear him clearer above all the noise.

Donghyuck clears his throat. "What is it?"

Renjun is silent for a second, his eyes closed as he seems to contemplate on the next words to say. Donghyuck is very drunk on alcohol and the fun that they've had. But even in this inebriated state, he thinks there will never be a time when he isn't drunk on Renjun.

Renjun inhales, his expression serene. However, what he says next will feel like a bucket of cold water has been dumped all over Donghyuck without warning. "What do you think about dating for real?"

The entire world goes silent, and the music only begins to play once more when Renjun opens his eyes to look at him. His eyes are glazed over, but he's focused on Donghyuck.

He's drunk, but he's serious.

The hand that has been petting Renjun's hair pauses and falls to his side. "Huh?" Donghyuck lets out smartly, his brain not yet catching up fully to the weight of Renjun's question.

Renjun chuckles lightly, reaching out to poke Donghyuck's nose. "Did I say that right? What do you think about dating for real? I don't mind dating you for real."

Donghyuck scowls the touch, shakes his head for some form of clarity. "Are you serious? Why are you asking me this when you're drunk?"

Sure, he has always imagined himself asking Renjun this when they're both sober and when he feels as if the timing is perfect. He's honestly just waiting for Renjun, the revelation back at the vacation house has been ingrained in his brain and he knows _now_ is not the right time.

But if Renjun offers, if Renjun asks, if Renjun braves it all and confesses first—who is Donghyuck to say no to him?

Renjun rubs at his nose. "Dunno. I'm more honest when I'm drunk. Plus, if you reject me—"

Donghyuck cuts him off before he can say it. "Don't say that, it's not happening." He speaks with so much conviction, like it's the most sure of something he has been in years.

Donghyuck has never been more certain. He might be drunk, and tomorrow he'll wake up sober, but he'll still be sure about this. There’re a thousand things that he should worry about, a thousand things that he should doubt about, but in this world full of doubts, being with Renjun is the one thing Donghyuck is sure of.

He doesn't seem to get his point across clear enough though because confusion paints Renjun's face. "Which is? Us dating for real or you rejecting me?"

Donghyuck can't help but laugh, flicking Renjun on the forehead. The thought of him rejecting Renjun now just seems incredulous, as if the thought can't be more far from reality. He doesn't know if it's because of the alcohol but having this all out in the open—with Renjun knowing how he _really_ feels about him, Donghyuck feels so light. It's as if everything that has been weighing him down has been let go and he can finally fly so close to the stars. "Dummy. I won't reject you. Not again."

Renjun rubs his forehead at the impact of Donghyuck's finger. He blinks up at him, seemingly confused. "So... are you saying that... we should date for real?"

"Yes." Donghyuck assures him, the conviction never leaving the tone of his voice.

"Wow." Renjun croaks out, sitting up with slight difficulty as he uses the table for leverage. Donghyuck helps him to get up and find a comfortable sitting position, his hands hovering around Renjun to make sure he can catch him if he falls.

Renjun finds his comfortable spot after a few struggles. Donghyuck passes him one of the bottles of water that Jeno must have bought for their group. Renjun chugs an entire bottle in one go.

Chuckling, Donghyuck asks. "Wow?"

Renjun crumples the bottle of water and tosses it back to the table. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and Donghyuck watches with trained amusement. "Yeah... I just... didn't think I would get this far. I thought you'll reject me and then I'll have to go find Xuxi and ask him to book me a flight back to Jilin for tomorrow or something..."

Donghyuck's shoulders lift in his laughter. He takes Renjun's face in his hands, cupping either sides of his cheeks and then presses them together. "You are so dramatic. There's no need for that."

Renjun whines, his hands wrapped around Donghyuck's wrists in a futile attempt to remove them from his face but without much success. So, he lets Donghyuck hold him like that, and Donghyuck lets him rest his cheek against his palm just like that.

Renjun sighs, closes his eyes as he leans against the warmth of Donghyuck's palm. "Wow."

Donghyuck doesn't know what else to do than to agree. "Yeah. Wow."

It's a moment that's so fragile, they're at the peak of their vulnerability and yet—their certainty with each other despite being intoxicated is something that won't break—will never break.

Renjun shakes his head, laughing to himself. "Fuck, I'm too drunk for this."

And with Renjun laughing so beautifully like this, Donghyuck is infected with his joy too. The situation is ridiculous, they're both ridiculous. They're at the place where their relationship started on a purely physical basis and here they are—baring all and every emotions as if they're the only people in the club. Donghyuck hopes the music is loud enough so no one has overheard them. "Me too, shit. Why'd you ask this now?"

"I told you. Braver when I'm drunk." Renjun reminds him softly, coming down from his laughter. The moment of tenderness is back again. Renjun pries Donghyuck's hands away from his face only to hold them in his, twining their fingers together as they come to the denoument of their little play.

With all his sincerity poured into his words, Donghyuck confesses. "I'm braver when I'm with you."

Renjun's smile stretches up to his eyes. Donghyuck has sobered up slightly and his feelings still haven't changed—it's not something he's decided on the spot, it's been such a long time coming that it feels like finally catching a breath after diving into the water.

The story of how he has come to accept and admit that he is in love with Renjun is already laid out in his brain like a Shakespearean play—he can't wait to hear Renjun's side of the story.

Renjun squeezes his hands. "So fucking cheesy."

"Only for you." Donghyuck winks at him and Renjun squeezes his hands even tighter until he's whining about how it hurts.

They fall against each other laughing at themselves, laughing with each other. It's the best way to get through this. Though the communication may be clumsy and though they may both be slightly inexperienced when it comes to _everything,_ the connection is there and that's something they can hold on to.

When the laughter dies down and Renjun has his head resting against Donghyuck's shoulder, Renjun speaks softly. "Let's... can we talk about this tomorrow? There's just... too much going on. I want to kiss you."

Donghyuck agrees with that. They can probably talk better when they're sober, talk about the consequences of their actions and talk about how they're going to tell their friends about this. They at least deserve to know the truth.

But for now, there's a more important matter than their friends getting mad at him. Donghyuck wants to kiss Renjun too. "Don't know why you haven't kissed me the moment I said yes, honestly."

In a blink of an eye, Renjun lunges at him—connecting their mouths with so much ease. Donghyuck smiles into the kiss, a hand comes up to the back of Renjun's neck to pull him closer while the other situates on his waist, steadying him on his lap.

Renjun kisses him like they weren't just making out in his apartment a few hours prior. Renjun kisses him, open-mouthed and messy but Donghyuck receives and returns with as much enthusiasm.

In a sense, the pressure of Renjun's kisses haven't changed, but now that Donghyuck knows that there are genuinely feelings behind the press of lips against lips, he cannot help but think that Renjun's kisses taste a little sweeter this time around.

When Donghyuck comes to, he has a pounding headache and a dry throat. He doesn't fully remember how he got home, the rest of the night after Renjun's confession has been a blur. It almost feels like a dream, as if when he opens his eyes—it'll be some sick cruel joke that the universe has played on him. But when he rolls to his side, there's Renjun standing by the kitchen, his back facing him.

Donghyuck smiles to himself. It's real.

He is dating Renjun, _for real._ No more pretending, no more lying, no more toeing the blurring line between friendship and romance—he is Renjun's boyfriend.

Although, still feeling slightly dizzy, Donghyuck pushes himself off the bed. There's a slight scuffling between him and the sheets and he knows that Renjun knows he's awake. He hears his light chuckle, and Donghyuck comes up to him to hug him from behind.

"Good morning." Donghyuck greets, biting at his earlobe and Renjun elbows him in reflex. Donghyuck dodges just in time, jumping to the side as Renjun threatens him with a spatula.

"Why did you do that!" Renjun asks, rubbing at his ear with the cutest frown Donghyuck has seen on anyone. Sure, Renjun is cute but something about him today makes him look cuter than usual.

Is Donghyuck still drunk?

Possibly.

"What! I can't greet my boyfriend with a cute good morning kiss?" He argues indignantly, shrugging with his palms up.

Renjun's nose flares, staring him down but he relaxes after second. Renjun turns back to whatever it is he's cooking and Donghyuck takes this as the go signal to return to hugging Renjun.

"You wanna talk about it now?" Donghyuck asks, wrapping his arms around Renjun's small waist and hooking his chin over his shoulder.

"Sure, breakfast sound good?"

"Sounds the best."

After downing pain killers for his headache, Donghyuck helps Renjun set the tiny table in his apartment. Renjun has cooked some fried bacon and the remaining ramyeon packets he has in his fridge. Donghyuck promises to remind him to go grocery shopping later that day.

With a mouthful of ramyeon, Donghyuck begins the discussion. "So?"

Renjun looks up from his bowl, slurping the noodles as he stares at Donghyuck. "So?"

"I thought you wanted to talk about it when we're sober?"

"Of course... just... I'm not that brave anymore when I'm not drunk. It's... hard." Renjun explains meekly, rubbing his hand over his shorts in nervousness.

Donghyuck takes notice of this and grabs Renjun's hand, intertwines their fingers like Renjun had done to him last night. "Renjun, you're one of the bravest people I've ever known. And you know what, it's _just_ me. I'm just a loser whose ass you used to kick. What are you so scared off?"

Renjun laughs at that. "Yeah, you're a loser that I really like and I'm scared of making commitments because what if it all goes wrong? I really like you, Hyuck. So much. That I want to commit to you… but I'm afraid if we do this wrong, I might lose you again."

Donghyuck nods in understanding. More than anyone in this world, it's him who understands that profound fear. He shares that fear with Renjun.

"But you won't lose me again, Renjun. Everything I told you at the vacation house is true. I was afraid of getting into a relationship—but now... now that I got a glimpse of how much better life can be with you in it, I'm just... a little less afraid now. I want to do everything with you. Fuck, I can risk everything for you, Renjun." The confession spills easily, like a river flowing freely after the steep height of the waterfalls.

Renjun is looking at him, a piece of noodle stuck to his cheek but Donghyuck doesn't point it out now. He still smiles at him though. "Life is indeed much better when we have each other, isn't it?"

Donghyuck nods. "I don't even know how we lived not having each other's constant presence in our lives. You have a noodle stuck to your cheek, by the way."

Renjun gasps and rubs the spot there, his face flaring up in embarrassment and Donghyuck is filled with the biggest urge to kiss him.

So, he does. Renjun is very agreeable to the kiss, chasing Donghyuck's lips when he pulls away that Donghyuck has to push him back down by his chest a little so they can continue talking.

Renjun pouts, but Donghyuck knows they have more time for kissing later.

"So, when did you know you liked me again?"

Renjun rolls his eyes. "Of course you'd ask that!"

Donghyuck pokes at his sides. "C'mon I'm curious!"

Renjun groans. "I don't even know! Maybe when you got me flowers for the play? Like, fuck. I was trying so hard to remind myself that I've moved on from you and all of this is fake but you just... you kept acting so genuine so I just kept thinking that maybe... maybe you did have feelings for me?"

Donghyuck remembers that memory vividly. He remembers getting jealous over Xuxi and it's a memory that he would love to bury six feet underground. Though, he has qualms about it now because it's the time Renjun realized that he likes him again.

Maybe the memory can stay.

"It's real though, all of that... everything I did for you. It's real. I never stopped liking you." He admits. He's come to learn that there is no better time than now.

"Huh?"

Donghyuck expounds. "When you confessed to me, I have always liked you but like I said, I panicked. I wasn't ready for a relationship yet. But god, Jaemin knew how much I liked you. He was so happy we finally got back together."

Renjun takes a full minute to digest Donghyuck's explanation, blinking slowly at him as he digests the information. Then, he speaks. "Donghyuck, I don't know if I want to kiss you, punch you, or call Jaemin now to ask if you cried over me."

"You wouldn't dare."

"You wanna bet?" Renjun's already pulling his phone out of his back pocket.

They scuffle around the bedroom, with Donghyuck trying to snatch away Renjun's phone. The squabble turns into a tickle fight and when they're both lying on the floor, exhausted from all the laughing—they're hit with a difficult realization.

Lying on Renjun's chest on the floor, Donghyuck looks up at Renjun in horror. "Fuck,"

"What?"

"We have to tell our friends the truth."

Telling their friends about the truth is possibly the hardest part of this entire thing. Their friends are pretty rational people. They like to have fun, they like to play jokes and pranks on each other. Whenever Donghyuck pulls a prank on them, he can gauge their reactions because Donghyuck has pulled multiple pranks on them before.

Just… for this one, his friends have never been in this situation before. So really, this is uncharted territory that he is diving into.

Then again, he isn’t alone in this. He has Renjun with him, diving headfirst into the unknown. What he said at the club is true, he is braver when he is with Renjun.

“So… hold up, back track on that. You and Renjun have been fake dating all this time because Jaemin caught you two arguing… and now you’re actually dating for real?” Jeno summarizes the story they told them.

They’re in Jaemin and Donghyuck’s apartment, and yet, home has never felt more uncomfortable than today. Their friends are around them as they sit next to each other on the dining table. Jeno is right next to Donghyuck, trying to understand this all and Yangyang is next to Renjun, beaming with a shit-eating grin. Jaemin stands by the sink, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. He seems to be thinking hard.

Renjun confirms Jeno’s summary. “Yeah, that’s basically it.”

“We understand if you guys get mad or something—it’s completely our fault for not telling you guys the truth and well… tricking you… we’re really sorry.” Donghyuck quickly makes a follow up.

“What?” Yangyang asks incredulously. “That’s absurd! This is so funny, imagine telling people how you started dating! I’m very happy for you guys. I admit, I called it from the start that there was something weird but I never thought it would be because you were fake dating all this time.”

Jeno laughs. “Yeah, I never would have thought it was fake dating of anything. It’s cool, I understand why you guys did that but… the most important thing is that everything is real now, right? You are in a real relationship now?” Jeno gestures between them.

Renjun nods. “Yeah, surprising as it sounds. He’s really my boyfriend now.”

Donghyuck chuckles. “It’s really _real._ Thank you for understanding…” Donghyuck pauses and shifts his attention to Jaemin who still seems to be contemplating by the kitchen sink.

He calls out to him. “Jaemin?”

Jaemin walks over to them, slipping his hands inside the pockets of his pants. Once he’s standing near them, he finally speaks for the first time since they revealed the truth.

“I’m not mad at either of you. I’m just… really worried. I saw how it ruined Renjun and I saw how Donghyuck was pining for _so_ long… I’m worried you guys will get hurt again.” Jaemin exhales, finally taking a seat next to Jeno.

Jeno wraps a shoulder around him, and Donghyuck glances at Renjun.

“But,” Jaemin adds, his megawatt smile replacing the frown on his face, “you’re both grown-ass adults, and honestly, you both deserve each other.”

“Hey,” Renjun frowns, “is that a compliment or is that an insult?”

Yangyang is snickering, and so is Jeno—Donghyuck can’t even help his laughter too.

They do deserve each other.

Jaemin only shrugs though. “That’s up for you to interpret.”

And, just like this, holding Renjun’s hand under the table as he argues with the rest of their friend group, Donghyuck knows that he can brave any reality when he is with Renjun.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I would also like to thank Jac for letting me write this beautiful prompt. I would have written more smut and angst into this but? It got so tender I don't know how that happened. I hope that I did justice to it and I hope that you like it! Thank you for always being so supportive of me, I wanted to publish this for your birthday but I didn't finish it on time T_T belated happy birthday, anyway! I love youuuuu.
> 
> Thank you to Lua as well for sprinting with me until I finished. Mwah. Love you! 
> 
> Let me know how you think!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/renstals)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/renjunims)  
> 


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